VH1--No Friend to Black Women

If this is any indication of the black women they will choose to be on “Interracial Love,” the new IR reality dating show..oh my.

Of course, the bad behavior of a few BW is not representative of all BW, but it's distressing to watch these sistas displaying their dysfunction for profit.

The Dating Landscape is Tough for ALL Women

Last week I was listening to the Dr. Laura show on my drive home from work as I do every evening. Dr. Laura took a call from a young WW who was worried that she was “crazy” or “neurotic” because she desires to get married and have children. Upon further prompting, Dr. Laura wanted to know why she felt so anxious about wanting to get married and the young woman went on to explain that she didn’t have any good prospects lined up. However, her friends were trying to set her up on a date with a “really nice guy.” Again, Dr. Laura didn’t see why this should cause the young woman such anxiety. Finally, the girl got to the real crux of her dilemma ….the “really nice guy” drove a delivery truck for a living and didn’t have any plans to further advance himself. The young woman was concerned because she didn’t think a man who drove a delivery truck would have the means to support a wife and family. This young woman decided that the life she wanted was that of a wife and stay-at-home mother. Upon hearing this, Dr. Laura advised her that what she felt did not make her “crazy” or “neurotic” but smart. She explained to this young woman that our society has shifted the traditional male roles such that women are made to feel like something is wrong with them when they express a desire to have the man be the sole provider for the family.

Upon listening to this call, it dawned on me that the dating/mating landscape is tough for ALL women. I think Dr. Laura is correct in her observation that men have a much skewed view of what it means to be a “man” / provider in 2008. I am of course speaking in generalities; there are some men who “get it” and relish taking care of their wives/families. As I navigate the online dating sites, I all too often notice the men, of all races, who mention in their profiles that they are not looking for women who are “gold-diggers” , “looking to get in their pockets”, “care about more than what he makes”, etc.

Unfortunately, this is a reality of the dating world today and we have to be cognizant of all the pitfalls as well as the options out there. I would just say be careful and choose wisely by first evaluating what type of lifestyle you want. In other words, if you want to be a mother and stay home, factor that in your decision when you are choosing men to date if your goal is marriage and family.

Dr. Laura ended her call with the young woman, advising her to go where the “quality men” are in her area who would most likely meet her needs. I actually think that is sage advice. (*Disclaimer – Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not for the faint of heart; either you love her or hate her & many hate her…lol*)

Can You Find The "Hidden Message" ?

Why Black Women Are Dating Other Races - Pt. 1




SMH

A Free Black Woman Has The Right To Choose

From time to time, some people may drop by to tell us how "misguided" we are or try to "save us from our selves." I like to address things I "smell" coming before they get out of hand. Therefore, let me be clear: As FREE, intelligent BW, we individually know our own minds and have our own life experiences.

I encourage each BW who reads this blog to be confident in what you know is your truth and move forward with your goals, desires and plans for your life. It has always been my understanding that the BW Bloggers I respect (check my Blog Roll) have encouraged BW to do the same.

If you want to be open to ALL Quality men, that is your right. If you want to exclusively date Quality WM, that is your right. Whatever choice YOU make, it is your right. Whatever your decision, choose Quality above all else. Life is not a cake-walk if the person walking with you shares your same skin tone, so what the hell difference does it make if he doesn't ?

Let me also say that I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with strategizing with other sistas about how to find the best Quality man to date/marry. In my opinion, smart women know that whom they decide to marry is one of the single most important decisions you make in life. Do not let anyone make you feel "ashamed" or "superficial" for this. The decision about who you marry is not just "getting a man," it is a decision that determines the kind of life you have. It's not getting somebody to warm your bed, it's your FUTURE and that of any children you may choose to have. Again, know your own mind and do not let others deter you from your own goals.

CNN Initiative To Focus On Black America

Four-Month, Multi-Platform Project Begins With ‘King Assassination’ Content

By R. Thomas Umstead -- Multichannel News, 3/12/2008 4:00:00 AM

CNN will examine the current state of Black America as part of a four-month on-air and digital initiative dubbed CNN Presents: Black in America.

The initiative will include three, two-hour documentaries anchored by CNN special correspondent Soledad O’Brien focusing on “fresh analysis from new voices about the real lives behind the stereotypes, statistics and identity politics that frequently frame the national dialog about Black America,’ said the network.

The initiative is slated to April 3 with Eyewitness To Murder: The King Assassination, recognizing the 40-year anniversary of civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr.’s death.

Along with the specials, the project will feature a weekly series of reports that will investigate topics, including parenthood and marital rates among black adults; high rates of HIV/AIDS among African-Americans; achievement gaps in education, careers; and disparities in life expectancy rates between African Americans and the general population.

Later this month, CNN.com will launch a Web portal entitled Black in America that will feature excerpts from the programming and exclusive interviews with eyewitnesses to history. The section also will include timelines, maps and multimedia stories that highlight the ripple effects the King assassination had on the United States, said the network.

Among the other scheduled shows: Black in America: The Black Man, (June 18); and Black in America: The Black Woman & Family (June 19).

‘As we developed this series, it was critical to go beyond what viewers believe and already know to introduce them to the real people behind the headlines that we report every day on our assignments,’ O’Brien said. SOURCE

A Note About "Black Bashing"

I do not "Black Bash" on this blog. But don't think for one minute I will censor my opinions about things that *I* feel we, as Black Women/People, can do better. If some want to consider asking Black folks to raise their expectations higher, "bashing," that is their definition of it...not mine.

I'm addressing this issue now as it came up in the comments of the fiction for BW post. To clarify for anyone that missed it, I don't think those books should be marketed to us as "AA romance novels." I never questioned the tastes of those who choose to read them. I would like for BW to have "normal" romantic stories that are free of drugs, violence, fighting over men, jail romances, etc.

This note is not intended to offend the Anon who made the comment; I just like to address misunderstandings and put them to bed.

A New Underground Railroad is Born : A Message from Black Women Vote !

Subject: The Dunbar Village Atrocity

Synopsis:

In the past week, a rapidly-moving viral email campaign was launched, and thousands of concerned black citizens spread the word about a shocking crime against a Black woman and her 12 year old son, in which crimes against nature were committed. (read more details of the crime here)

This email, entitled “Stop Al Sharpton and the NAACP from endangering Black Women,” described a stunning betrayal in which the NAACP and Al Sharpton held a press conference and demanded bail consideration for three suspects in custody for the crime. (source1) (source2)

Concerned Black citizens all around the country were outraged by the actions of the NAACP and Al Sharpton, and many vowed to withdraw volunteering and financial support from these agencies “until they make the safety of Black women and children a priority.”

On March 24, 2008 an NAACP memo that attempted to defend this betrayal was sent to Beverly Neal, who is the Director of the NAACP’s Florida State Conference. The memo claims that the NAACP was brought into this fray by Rev. Al Sharpton. Moreover, the memo was written by Maude Ford Lee, who is President of the West Palm Beach Branch of the NAACP. (read the memo here)

On March 27,2008, activist Al Sharpton went on the air to clarify his position on the treatment of the Dunbar Village Suspects. He invited writer Tonyaa Weathersbee and blogger Arlene Fenton to his show, to discuss the matter. Rev. Sharpton claimed that he never said that the Dunbar Village suspects were being treated unfairly, and that he did not want bail for the suspects in question.

Ms Weathersbee and Ms Fenton said that their research indicated otherwise, as indicated by video footage, eyewitness accounts, and the reporting from the Florida Sun Sentinel and the Palm Beach Post.

At the end of the radio show, Al Sharpton strongly condemned any activity that would promote bail consideration for the suspects in question. Rev. Sharpton admitted that “if the suspects were white, he would have been there sooner.” He stated that this is a problem with many black civil rights organizations. He apologized and vowed to uphold his prior promise to advocate for the residents of Dunbar Village. He also challenged all activists, bloggers, and writers to be accountable to each other.

To date, the NAACP has not made an official statement denouncing the Dunbar Village Atrocity, nor have they officially expressed regret to the victim. The NAACP also has not officially retracted their statement requesting bail consideration for the alleged rapists/torturers. To our understanding, neither agency has contributed to the Victim’s Assistance Fund or created a reward program geared toward the apprehension of the remaining rapists/torturers.


Conclusion

WE ARE SATISFIED with Al Sharpton’s qualifying statements that he made on his radio show on 3/27/2008. We will watch to see if he fulfills his promise to advocate for the residents of Dunbar Village, and we are willing to assist any effort that promotes safer black neighborhoods in West Palm Beach, FL.


WE ARE NOT CONTENT with the reckless, irresponsible actions of the NAACP (West Palm Beach chapter). We continue to urge all black people, women especially, to refrain from volunteering or giving financially to this organization until they take our safety seriously.


WHAT WE WANT

We want law enforcement to make a concerted, sustained effort to apprehend the remaining suspects. We want to see a genuine reward system in place to encourage members of the community to come forward with the knowledge of the whereabouts of the remaining suspects.

We want the NAACP (West Palm Beach chapter) to reverse their position that the alleged rapists/torturers of this case should be considered for bail.

We want both the NAACP and the National Action Network to cease downgrading the gang rape/torture/atrocity of the Dunbar Village by comparing it to an unrelated gang rape, in which guns, maiming, and forced incest were not involved.

We want to see genuine victim advocacy in the form of financial support for the relocation, medical expenses, and mental therapy for the true victims in this case.


The Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund

Individuals who would like to donate money to the victims can go to any Wachovia Bank and donate to the St. Ann’s Victim’s Assistance Fund. Donations will go directly to the mother and her son.

St. Ann’s Catholic Church will also accept donations. Checks can be made payable to the "Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund - St. Ann’s".

Donations can be mailed to: St. Ann’s Catholic Church, 310 N. Olive Avenue, West Palm Beach, FL 33401

If you would like to post this Open Letter on your blog, you can copy the HTML here:

(Blogger HTML) A New Underground Railroad is Born
(General HTML) A New Underground Railroad is Born

For more information about this Dunbar Village Campaign, you can visit any of the following blogs:

http://www.dunbarvillage.blogspot.com/
http://adifferentstory.wordpress.com/
http://anonymissblog.blogspot.com/
http://auntjemimasrevenge.blogspot.com/
http://blackfirewhitefire.blogspot.com/
http://blackwomenvote.blogspot.com/
http://charactercorner.blogspot.com/
http://electronicvillage.blogspot.com/
http://episcopalienne.blogspot.com/
http://essentialpresence.blogspot.com/
http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/
http://h-essays.blogspot.com/
http://lareinacobre.blogspot.com/
http://mynewblog-ravenelvenlady.blogspot.com/
http://politicalseason.blogspot.com/
http://privyconcepts.blogspot.com/
http://thesowingcircle.blogspot.com/
http://tributetoblackwomen.com/news
http://web.mac.com/roslynholcomb/iWeb/Site/Blog/Blog.html
http://whataboutourdaughters.com/
http://whattamisaid.blogspot.com/
http://www.blacksapience.blogspot.com/
http://yanmommasaid.blogspot.com/
http://www.somethingwithin.com/blog

This Is Supposed to Be Romantic ?

Peruse any bookstore chain's designated BW's section for romantic fiction and you'll likely find books similar to these:

Love Like Hallelujah :

Book Description
Lutishia Lovely returns to the Kingdom Citizens and Mount Progressive congregations, with updates, and sometimes upsets, on the lascivious lives of some scandalous saints.

With infidelity behind them, Tai's marriage to her pastor husband, King, is stronger than ever. Even when King's ex-lover, Tootie, comes back to town, Tai keeps her cool. That is until she hears that Tootie has a teenage son no one knew existed--a son who could be King's. Tootie isn't talking, and when she finally does, can she be believed? Tai doesn't think so and enlists the help of her best friend Vivian to find out the truth. What they find out, however, is more than either of them ever wanted to know.

Vivian must also deal with her husband's former assistant, a woman who believes that if it wasn't for Vivian, she would have been first lady of Kingdom Citizen's Christian Center. Now she's back to claim what's hers. Millicent's back also, just in time for the marriage of Hope and Cy, the man she thought she'd be married to by now. But she's not the only church member whose dream becomes a nightmare. What happens when love feels more like harried hell instead of hallelujah? There's only one way to find out...

Fool Stop Trippin':

Book Description
Tina Brooks McKinney is back with the third thrilling installment in her "drama" trilogy -- where people will do anything to get the love they feel they deserve.

When Tarcia finds out the man she's been trying to snag already has a family, she becomes desperate and willing to go to any lengths to get back what she's lost -- even when it means tearing up another family to pin this married man down for herself. Claiming pregnancy is just another move for her, but one that might end her up in jail.

At the same time, Sammie -- a familiar face from All That Drama and Lawd, Mo' Drama -- is battling through her own relationship problems as well, and her insecurities are hijacking any chance she might have for happiness. And while Jasmine, Sammie's half-sister, tries to help her make it through the tough times, she might end up as more of a hindrance to Sammie's emotional well-being.

As the characters search for the perfect life, readers are put in tune with their boiling emotions and learn the cost of basing one's happiness on having a mate. How far should one go in pursuing love, and what happens when all these go-getters start trippin' over each other in the chase? Who, if any of them, will discover true bliss in the end?

Something on the Side:

From Publishers Weekly

The only requirement to joining the Big Girls Book Club is all ladies must be at least a size 14. Another unofficial rule appears to be having something going on in one's love life that's a little bit dangerous. But in Weber's raunchy romantic comedy, these babes find there's a consequence to every freaky action in or out of the bedroom. The BGBC president is Tammy, a sexy egomaniac whose marriage suffers after she persuades her best friend Egypt to participate in a threesome as a birthday gift for her hubby, Tim. Egypt's sister, Isis, must face the truth about her fiancé, Tony, while Egypt learns keeping secrets from the girls isn't wise. Coco, BGBC's aggressive single, finally meets her match. And the trouble Nikki is having with Tiny, the woman she left her jealous husband for, gets intense after Nikki meets a new flame. Weber keeps things tight and funny; readers with a bent for the bootylicious will certainly want to pick this one up. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


I mean no offense to the authors, I just don't find anything "romantic" about these storylines. I'm sure there are good books as well, but my point is that they are lost amongst the not-so romantic books marketed to BW.

The Black Feminine Mystique Experience (BFME)

When was the last time some non-black woman looked at your hair in utter amazement ? Have you had a Becky-type put her tanned arm next to yours and then exclaim "look, I'm almost as brown as you ?" Have you had to have the discussion about how our natural hair can do amazing things ? Has some misguided Becky-type put her hands in your hair because she just "had to see how y'all do that ?" If you answered yes to any of these questions (and there are tons more..lol) you've had the Black Feminine Mystique Experience.

Now, I know some people may take offense to me using "Becky" when referring to WW. However, I use it to specifically refer to the kind of WW who knows she has a special "skin privilege card" AND uses it. With that said, I"ll continue.

I started thinking of a phrase to describe those annoying and sometimes enraging moments when non-black women (usually a Becky) will invade *me* to ask questions about my hair, skin, lips, makeup (as in how I can "get away with" not wearing mascara, blush,etc.) The phrase that jumped out at me was BFME.

Apparently, we BW are so *other-worldly* and mysterious that everything about us is sooo fascinating to some folks. I am being a little facetious. The truth is we ARE special. No other woman has what we do and in so many variations. I believe our feminine beauty is striking and alluring....POWERFUL. But, that does not give rude people the right to expect me to entertain their "curiosity."

I will NEVER forget the day I came in to work with braids and my Becky manager at the time came running over to me and screamed "I'm sorry, but I HAVE to see how you did that," right after her initial screech, she proceeded to put her red dragon talons in my hair. I was livid. I felt like I had been violated; probably because I had been. We worked in a Corporate environment and in front of an entire department, this idiot was fishing through my hair. I don't know about you ladies, but I have NEVER been that enthralled with another woman's hair to the point that I just had to get all up in it. It must have been the BFM.

When I started wearing my hair naturally, I don't know how many lectures I had to give on why it was "different" now. I was way too tolerant of other folks ignorance. I used to look at it as a "teaching opportunity." I no longer have the patience; folks will have to learn on somebody else's dime. Hhhmmm...reminds me of a conversation between two Becky's:

Becky #1- "they make me sick." (referring to a group of Black girls)

Becky #2 - "yea, always showing off with that weird hair...they just want attention" (now the

Black girls did not have blue or orange hair, etc-- just cute cuts, a french roll...nothing

out-there)

It must have been the BFM that got them all shook up..lol. Pay attention ladies, I'm sure you'll recognize your own BFM experiences.

"Dangerous" Black Women ?

Ok, I needed my moment of comedy above before I tackled this post. As I was reading Aimee’s excellent article about Race and Gender, the usual suspects came out of the cyber-woodwork to challenge why BW need to advocate for themselves. I get soooooo tired of watching BW having to defend our right to be unapologetically interested in advancing our own agenda---however WE define it. Why is it that for BW to organize in any fashion with one another we have to explain why we’re doing so is legitimate? When other “groups” mobilize and set their agendas, why aren’t they questioned as to the validity of said agendas? Does anyone dare question the validity of organized groups within the Jewish community for example? Why should the importance of their agendas be more sacred than that of BW?

When a BW’s child is missing, I believe it’s less relevant to the population in general than that of a WW’s child. Perhaps we need our own "________ "’s Law. Does that count as a valid item to put on the BW’s agenda? Why does anyone have the right to denounce it if BW decided that it is an item we should have on our agenda. Does that imply that we don’t care about missing non-black children…NO. What it does mean, to me, is that I care about missing black children enough to make sure their names & faces make it to the airwaves EQUALLY as much as that of ALL other missing children. Why is that so hard to understand?

If the BW’s agenda includes how we are portrayed in the media, our healthcare, etc, Why is that so taboo? BW have been at the back of the everything bus for too long..just waiting for someone to value OUR problems as equal to that of other groups. We’re still waiting….but some of us are tired of waiting and want to DO something. However, let us start talking about just forming an agenda (not the actual “doing”) and you get folks stumbling up in the discussion crying “we are the world.” **** that….and yes, the word starts with an “F.”

As CW says, “The Time is Now”---whoever wants to ride with us is welcome and whoever has a problem with BW being “selfish” for the sake of our survival, thriving and happiness can check Johnny Cash on the left side-bar. We don’t OWE anyone a justification for our RIGHT to advocate for ourselves independently of any other “group.”

Are You Really Ready For An IRR ?

Let's be clear about BW and IRRs; not all BW enter into IRRs for the same reason. Some of us enter in IRRs out of preference, some because they just fell in love with a non-black man due to chance, some of us are realizing we want to open our options after only dating BM and I'm sure there are other reasons. I would also suggest that not every IR blog is for every BW. For the purpose of this post, I'm speaking to BW who are considering an IRR for the first time.

If you are still emotionally invested in a romantic sense with BM, please consider that you might not be ready to move into an IRR. For example, if you're out shopping and you run into a BM/WW couple and he looks like the IBM (Ideal Black Male) you've always dreamed of AND you get upset or angry, perhaps you're not ready.

If you still have a lot of anger towards BM, and I'm talking about BM in general not BM who hurt BW and children, perhaps you need to work through that first. Let go of the anger.

Why am I saying this ? I personally feel that you can't seek out a good, QUALITY man of ANY type if you are blinded by anger. Also, a good QUALITY man deserves ALL of you; he does NOT deserve to be second best.

The Art of Flirting & Self Respect-- Do You Have It ?

I love visual aides; therefore, I bring you scenes from "The Bodyguard" and "Waiting to Exhale."

First we have "The Bodyguard" :




Ok, now let's look at "Waiting to Exhale" :



Ok--my observations:

Clip 1
-The chemistry between the couple was extremely obvious
-Whitney's character kept DIRECT eye contact with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character SMILED and was CASUAL with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character kept drawing-out Kevin's character by ASKING Him QUESTIONS about himself in a non-threatening way (all the while charming, light and fun)
-Whitney's character casually led Kevin's character to the dance floor when a song came on she SENSED he liked (notice, the dance was NOT overtly sexual)


Clip 2
-I could smell the desperation of Whitney's character through my computer screen the moment she walked into the dance..lol
-Instead of looking casual and confident, Whitney's character searched that room (looking for her date) like the cure for cancer was "up in there"
-When the date finally showed up (smh)he immediately went into "mack" mode pretending that she was "the one" and Whitney's character ate it up...EVEN though she KNEW it was a lie. At that moment, she gave away ALL her "cards." I saw NO flirting...just a sure thing.


My point is that perhaps *some* of us who are looking at dating in a "new" light are used to dealing with the behaviors (both ours and the man's) in Clip 2. I'm suggesting, we think more about how the behaviors in Clip 1 are much more beneficial when dating. Projecting confidence is always a winning feeling, regardless of how the date turns out.

If you look at the behavior of the men in both clips, you might notice that during the different dance scenes, the men took different approaches. Kevin's character in Clip 1 was respectful, but definitely interested and attracted to Whitney's character. The character in Clip 2 was very disrespectful, imo, as he rubbed all over Whitney's bare skin and kept whispering "empty intimacies" to her. Whitney's character doesn't get a free pass either; in Clip 2 she ALLOWED herself to be "deceived" and played along with the false intimacy.

It was actually a wm's profile on a dating site that inspired this post. He stated that "he wished BW would respect themselves as much as HE respects them."

Why Are BW So Afraid of Using Their Skin Privileges ?

Believe it or not, we BW do have skin privileges too. WW have been using their skin privileges for centuries. It’s no secret that men from other cultures have desired (and still do) white skin and I haven’t exactly noticed WW having a problem with that.

However, let a WM say that he loves a BW’s skin and we go screaming for the hills, shouting “he has a fetish,” “he’s a chocolate freak.” Etc. I personally think we are missing the boat on this one. Of course, I’m not one to point fingers without telling on myself as well….lol. True story: while working my way through college I worked at an indie record store (yes, the owner insisted on calling it a record store not a CD store..lol). Anyhoo, we had a regular who was a WM who came in with his black girlfriend all the time. He was a really nice guy and the staff all loved him. So one day he brings up an album (yes, an actual album) with a dark brown BW, sans clothing, embracing a likewise un-clothed WM. I was the one waiting on him that day and he started explaining to me that he didn’t know the band, he was just buying the album for the cover. Wait for it…..because he LOVED the sight of the BW’s dark brown skin against the pale white of the man. He went on to say how it just “does something to me…the sight of all that dark skin next to pale skin, it just drives me crazy.” I immediately freaked-out and thought he was a “chocolate freak” and it was just “sick.” Actually, I was reacting to my BC (Black Community) conditioning that “teaches” BW that any non-black man who loves our skin tones and finds them desirable is “sick” or it’s somehow “abnormal.”

I want to challenge BW to think about why we get so offended or uncomfortable when a non-black man, especially if he’s white, desires us for our beautiful skin tones. Do you think it’s because of BC conditioning as I do, or do you have some other reason?
In the dating and mating game, are we BW throwing away a great asset?

Black Women At War ?

Therefore, if we want to do battle, even if the enemy is protected by high walls and deep moats, he cannot but do battle, because we attack what he must rescue.
Sun-Tzu “The Art of War”



Therefore, if we (BW) want to do battle, even if the enemy (Dangerous BM seeking to harm bw/children) is protected by high walls and deep moats (The “Black Community”), he cannot but do battle (Attack BW bloggers), because we (BW bloggers) attack what he (BM who don't get it) must rescue (Image of ALL BM regardless if they are friend or foe to BW/children).

- Edited by Pinky



You know, I really didn’t want to discuss BM on my blog because I wanted this to be “my place” to celebrate BW and all the wonderful options available to us. However, I’m beginning to realize that I too have to “get my hands dirty.”

I’m really tired of the pro-BW and pro-IR bloggers always catching hell for telling their truth and the truth of other BW. Immediately, detractors come out of the woodwork to call you a liar and demand stats to back up what you have to say. When someone speaks their truth, it is from their life experience and this requires no stats. Any intelligent person should be able to grasp that concept and not act as if that person’s experience relates to every other person on the planet. DUH!

I don’t know of any other “community” of people who are so willing to let their women and children perish all in the name of protecting the public image of “their” men. Don’t civilized people all over the world cast-out the men who dare commit atrocities against its women and children? Why does the “black community” find this concept so hard to follow?

BW bloggers are the devil because we dare to “pull back the curtain” and publicly renounce what everyone already knows anyway? This makes sense because………………….? Sexism, misogyny, intra-racism, classism, violence and hypocrisy all exist in the “black community.” Guess what, *gasp* those elements exist in EVERY community; but, my focus is NOT on “other communities" so stop dragging that tired argument of “well…but ‘they’ do such and such toooooooo.” DUH!

BW and children are under siege in their own communities by damaged BM in their midst. Period. If more BM who are NOT damaged would STAND THE HELL UP and RAGE against those that are, we could forever end this bullshit about “well, not allllllllllllllllll, BM are such and thus.” DUH! As long as good BM stay silent and/or make excuses for the BM doing damage to BW and children, the “damaged” label will likely chase ALL BM.

STAND THE F**K UP for what is right (the protection of BW and children) or shut the hell up about how the damaged label is destroying BM’s image as a whole. This is not rocket-science. Either you are for BW/children or you are against them. Period. “Hating” or “Bashing” BM has zero to do with this; it’s purely about actions (or lack thereof) having consequences.

Cousin Kim - No Sex in the City - What is Dating?

Yes indeed, what happened to dating ? When did dates morph into "hook-ups" ?

A Note About *Anons* & Why I Set Up This Blog

I visit a lot of pro-black woman and IR blogs; as a result, I was inspired to start "Black Girls Rock."

The purpose is to celebrate Black Women and all the variety of choices we have availabe to live our best lives. I want every Black Woman to have joy to the fullest, until it overflows. Whether a bw decides to experience variety in music, men, travel, politics or whatever...I'm all for it, if it improves her life.

With that said, I am not interested in cyber-debating the issues I post about; there are plenty of blogs around the net for that, if that is what you're seeking. I'm happy to share conversations with people who enjoy the blog and are like-minded.

Now about negative *Anons*, I think this blogger addressed it best here

I Like Variety !!

Black girls ...let your light shine !

Success Stories from The Asian Woman Files

Ok, the title of my post is in jest, but not by much. Another smart Asian woman is officially engaged to a high-profile man. James Gandolfini and Deborah Lin are heading down the aisle.

SOURCE



We as bw have got to get smarter about how we seek out mates. You can't tell me that there wasn't ONE bw in the entertainment business who was in James Gandolfini's circle and couldn't have landed him if she gave it a shot. Come on now. Hello, Gabrielle Union, Kerry Washington, Tracey Edmonds ( I mean really Tracey, Eddie Murphy..uhmmm..no) --you get the picture. I suspect these ladies are in the "nothing but a bm camp" smh.

Some of us may look at James and see that he is a big guy without a "male model body" and he's *gasp* bald. My response would be "and."..lol. I happen to think the man is sexy. I love his big hands, the bedroom eyes and the walk...hotness to me. I could care less that he's chunky. I bet you Deborah Lin couldn't care less either....lol. I'm sure Ms. Lin had other criteria in mind when she accepted Jame's proposal.

Asian women are a lot smarter than us when it comes to making mating decisions based on what is best for them and their futures. I'm sure "pretty boy" with a cool "swagger" factored NO WHERE on that list. I'm also sure, Ms. Lin couldn't give two flying figs what anyone else thinks about her man's looks either. That's something we bw have GOT to let go of. We spend way too much time trying to "represent" when it comes to the man we choose. We often let "fine" substitute for QUALITY.

I challenge bw to go out to lunch alone at a local spot where the "business types" head for a bite to eat. Just sit there and observe everyone while you eat. Take note of the ww and aw who might be there meeting husbands or boyfriends for lunch. Do these women (in their committed relationships) all have "pretty boys" or do they have regular guys ? Really pay attention...I did this and quickly realized that I was (stupidly) discounting a lot of QUALITY men. smh at myself.

Free your mind and mate smarter in 2008.