The Black Feminine Mystique Experience (BFME)

When was the last time some non-black woman looked at your hair in utter amazement ? Have you had a Becky-type put her tanned arm next to yours and then exclaim "look, I'm almost as brown as you ?" Have you had to have the discussion about how our natural hair can do amazing things ? Has some misguided Becky-type put her hands in your hair because she just "had to see how y'all do that ?" If you answered yes to any of these questions (and there are tons more..lol) you've had the Black Feminine Mystique Experience.

Now, I know some people may take offense to me using "Becky" when referring to WW. However, I use it to specifically refer to the kind of WW who knows she has a special "skin privilege card" AND uses it. With that said, I"ll continue.

I started thinking of a phrase to describe those annoying and sometimes enraging moments when non-black women (usually a Becky) will invade *me* to ask questions about my hair, skin, lips, makeup (as in how I can "get away with" not wearing mascara, blush,etc.) The phrase that jumped out at me was BFME.

Apparently, we BW are so *other-worldly* and mysterious that everything about us is sooo fascinating to some folks. I am being a little facetious. The truth is we ARE special. No other woman has what we do and in so many variations. I believe our feminine beauty is striking and alluring....POWERFUL. But, that does not give rude people the right to expect me to entertain their "curiosity."

I will NEVER forget the day I came in to work with braids and my Becky manager at the time came running over to me and screamed "I'm sorry, but I HAVE to see how you did that," right after her initial screech, she proceeded to put her red dragon talons in my hair. I was livid. I felt like I had been violated; probably because I had been. We worked in a Corporate environment and in front of an entire department, this idiot was fishing through my hair. I don't know about you ladies, but I have NEVER been that enthralled with another woman's hair to the point that I just had to get all up in it. It must have been the BFM.

When I started wearing my hair naturally, I don't know how many lectures I had to give on why it was "different" now. I was way too tolerant of other folks ignorance. I used to look at it as a "teaching opportunity." I no longer have the patience; folks will have to learn on somebody else's dime. Hhhmmm...reminds me of a conversation between two Becky's:

Becky #1- "they make me sick." (referring to a group of Black girls)

Becky #2 - "yea, always showing off with that weird hair...they just want attention" (now the

Black girls did not have blue or orange hair, etc-- just cute cuts, a french roll...nothing

out-there)

It must have been the BFM that got them all shook up..lol. Pay attention ladies, I'm sure you'll recognize your own BFM experiences.