Swirl Society : Making News & Going Places !!

I was thrilled to see the dating site, Swirl Society, exclusively for Black women and White men making news on a *gasp* "Black news" site.  Times are a changing !

Los Angeles, CA (BlackNews.com) - Interracial relationships are viewed as a positive step towards smoother race relations by some; as "sellout" behavior and a denial of racial heritage by others. Interracial marriages more than doubled between 1980 and 1995. Black/White marriages increased an estimated 96% overall, with marriages between of Black women and White men increasing 171%.
Swirl Society was formed specifically for Black women and White men. Too many times other sites offering similar aspects over time become spammed, cluttered and to be honest far too expensive and no longer have a singular purpose. According to Shon Anthony of Los Angeles, "Swirl was formed out of an idea to find happiness for Black women and White men looking for the same thing." 

In today�s society, online dating has become as integral part of North American culture as the Internet itself. However, as the modern equivalent of traditional dating services, (internet) dating has had to overcome the stigma of "lonely hearts" and other negative images. Though interracial dating sites are not the only way to meet singles of other ethnic groups, they have certain advantages. There in lies one of biggest advantages of using a specialty interracial dating site: you can browse hundreds of personal ads of people with the same interest, which is to date someone outside their own race.
Swirl Society is a site where White men and Black women can feel free and safe to email, talk to and date. It�s a colorful world out there, so why limit yourself.
Miss Anthony's short term goal is to inform "Black American women to know there is a place out there to meet nice decent men from here in America as well as other parts of the world that are interested in them." Swirl Society is a place to chat, post on forums, write their own blogs, create events and express themselves through the profile page features and a lot of other features.
Anthony wants everyone to tell a friend and pass the website on. According to Shon Anthony, "I want Swirl Society to become a credible trusted site without interruptions, confrontations or negativity, its all about finding your true love."    Source

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www.swirlsociety.net

 I LOVE the goals Ms. Anthony has set for her site !!

Mike and Denise: An Interracial Love Story

Here is an excerpt from an amazing article I ran across :

They're not big on radio or television talk show episodes that center on interracial love affairs, both believing that "each relationship is in and of itself." Yet one cannot help but learn the story of Associated Content writer Mike Thompson, 52 and his wife, Denise, 57 and not wonder how the racial divide that still exists in neighborhoods, towns and cities across the country has impacted their marriage of 26 years. An interracial couple living in the still very segregated city of Saginaw, Michigan, they have managed to keep love's flames burning brighter and longer than many couples who are of the same racial and ethnic background.

In his December 2007 article entitled, "The Songs of My Very Best Christmas," Mike shared the nostalgic story of his first Christmas with his then fiancée, Denise Culpepper, and his soon-to-be in-laws. The occasion was a memorable one, filled with soulful music, a delectable feast and a warm exchange of love and fellowship that would resonate with Mike for years to come. Deeply touched by this story, I contacted Mike and Denise and asked if they would be willing to let me interview them. Fortunately, they consented.

Please go here to read the rest of this article. 

Racial Loyalty - Truth or Fiction ?

Ladies, it’s time to wake up and smell reality. If you are still on the fence about broadening your options because of “racial loyalty,” I would like to point out excerpts from an interesting article I read on AOL Black Voices entitled, “Attitudes that Can Doom an Interracial Relationship”---please note the responses from black men versus those of black women. Let’s start this off with an oldie, but goodie:

Race is just a fetish

Jennifer: It's always a tip-off if he only dates black women.

Alexis: White guys who only date black women usually have a reason. Like they were raised by black servants and feel more comfortable with black people.

Ken: Anyone who dates any race exclusively needs a shrink. America isn't a melting pot, it's a store with every flavor its shelves. So it's understandable to not step outside of your race because we're still a very segregated society. But only dating black chicks because you like big butts is the definition of a fetish. On the other hand, I've met Latin women who only date black men because they want to be with someone who can share their experiences as a minority in this country. They say Latin guys want them barefoot in the kitchen and aren't as accepting or appreciative of an upwardly mobile, professional woman.


Stress from Parents

Alexis: People often expect that the white family won't be receptive to bringing home a partner who's black. But my stepfather had big problems with me bringing home a white man. And the weird thing is, I had been dating a black man before that and he'd treated me really badly, but even though my relationship with the white guy was much better, my stepfather started asking "What happened to that black guy you were dating?" I had to move out the house because my stepfather was harassing me about my white boyfriend.

Ken: At the end of the day, it's personal and has a lot to do with gender. My pops wouldn't care what color she was, as long as I was getting some. But my mother saw it as abandoning the black woman.

Verbal attacks

Alexis: "When I'm walking down the street with a white guy, black men have gotten in my face and yelled things like 'You are against the black man!' and 'White man is the devil!' It would be nice if the white guy protected me, but I'm not sure if I'd want to see him get into a fight. When that happens, you're just left in this raw space where you feel like no one understands and you don't want to be in.

Ken: I don't notice, but I've been in a relationship where my girlfriend did. It's all about confidence. If you're walking with someone of the other race and someone says something negative it's because they could sense how nervous your partner is. Regardless of color, they saw that you could be disrespected with zero retaliation and did so.

Reacting badly to racial tension

Alexis: Whenever I walk down the street with a white guy I get stares, and when a guy gets angry about the tension and is always being defensive, it's annoying.

Ken: It's never a problem until you make it one. But reacting badly is just making everyone aware of your insecurities.

My observation has been that black men are not trying to carry the entire survival of the black race on their backs. However, some of us ladies are still beating that drum. I’m specifically speaking to women who are not exercising all of their dating/mating options and NOT to those who have moved past this point in their life’s journey. Read the entire article and then think critically about the men you see in your life/environment. Who is really making the “sacrifices” for the “black community?”

*Disclaimer – this post in no way advocates “revenge against black men”* (SMH) Source

"The Engagement" Check It Out - Now on DVD

Synopsis
"In this hilarious comedy David, a Jewish American, asks Mia, a beautiful African American, to be his wife-but never dreams what lies ahead when he announces his engagement to his parents. When David’s parents surprise him by hosting an engagement party, Mia’s African American heritage might just give them the surprise of their lives! To make matters worse, David’s parents want a traditional Jewish wedding and Mia’s parents demand a traditional Baptist ceremony. As tensions rise throughout the day, will love prevail or will both families tear them apart?"

Nominated for Best Audience Award, Grand Jury Award and Best Actress at the American Black Film Festival! Audience favorite at the International Black Harvest Festival of Film & Video.

Go here to sneak a peek.

Bringing The BlAsian Love

Where ARE these couples ?

“It’s About Embracing Our Differences and Imperfections"

FRANCESCA HARPER and Eric Cohen seemed an improbable match when they met in 2000 at a New Year’s Eve party in SoHo.

She was a dancer and choreographer, then performing with the Broadway production of “Fosse.” He was an associate in the corporate department of Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel, a New York law firm.
“Lawyers and artists speak two different languages, so to me it was hard to imagine how they would communicate,” said Tanya Selvaratnam, a writer, actor and film producer who has known Ms. Harper for a decade.
At the party, Mr. Cohen saw the statuesque Ms. Harper struggling to uncork a bottle of wine and offered to help. They talked for 45 minutes. “We connected on a deep level so quickly,” said Ms. Harper, recalling that they discussed politics and social issues. But when they finished talking, he walked away without asking for her number.
“Eric said to me, ‘I met this amazing woman, but she’s way out of my league,’ ” recalled Darren Aronofsky, a film director and producer who most recently directed “The Fountain.” Mr. Aronofsky, who had invited Mr. Cohen to the party and has known him since their school days in Brooklyn, knew of his friend’s latent artistic language. “Eric was not only one of the smartest students in elementary school, he could draw better than anyone,” he said.
Mr. Cohen was still too apprehensive to ask Ms. Harper for her phone number, so instead he asked for, and received, her e-mail address.
She remembers his messages as “soulful, smart and astute,” but remained ambivalent until “a chemical moment” during their first date in mid-January, she said, adding it was “something in his voice.”
On Valentine’s Day, he sent her two dozen roses, and they met that night at a restaurant after Ms. Harper performed in the Village. “I remember getting a little nervous because it was so demonstrative in terms of his feelings,” she said of the bouquet — and they had yet to even share a kiss.
“Magically, when we left the bar we just started kissing on the street,” she said. “We were on the corner, and I think it was snowing, and we had the flowers in our hands and people were applauding us. That was our first kiss.”
In March 2003, the couple moved into a Manhattan apartment. But by early 2005, tensions were building. For one, by the time she got home at night, still energized by a performance, he had already put in a long lawyerly day at his new independent practice. It made making time for meaningful conversations difficult.
Ms. Harper, also a singer and actor, was entrenched with her just-begun Francesca Harper Project, which creates her original works for stage. Love took a backseat to work.
Still, each time they received wedding invitations from friends Ms. Harper wondered about their wedding.
Mr. Cohen, now 38, said: “I was in my early 30s and had other relationships that didn’t work out. I had this sense of not knowing. I’m not a George Bush type, who just makes a decision. I see the nuances. I argue it with myself.”
Ms. Harper, also in her 30s, trusted her feelings and, she said, had had enough. “We were kind of at a point where I said, ‘If you aren’t ready, I think you should leave.’ ”
They broke up. After about six months, they considered reuniting, but she insisted they see a couples’ counselor. During three months of counseling she recognized her “workaholic tendencies” and began making more time for him. He learned to drop his defenses “and give into” the relationship, he said.
They moved back in together in early 2006 and by June, they were engaged.
Their wedding was on March 10 at the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater building in Manhattan, where Ms. Harper’s mother, Denise Jefferson, is the director of the Ailey School. The ceremony included traditions of the bridegroom, who is Jewish (breaking a glass, representing, he said, “our wish that our lives together would be longer than it would take to fit the broken pieces of glass back together again”) and of the bride, who is African-American (jumping the broom, a symbol of new beginnings).
“I would have never, ever put them together,” said Ms. Selvaratnam, who was at the party when the two first met and was ordained by Rose Ministries to marry the couple.
More than 100 guests, including the dancer and choreographer Judith Jamison, Alvin Ailey’s artistic director, and the actress Molly Ringwald, watched as Ms. Harper and Mr. Cohen took center stage.
“It’s about embracing our differences and imperfections,” Ms. Harper said later, “and seeing them as beautiful and accepted.” SOURCE

(There is a wonderful video of the couple discussing their relationship - click "source" to view)

Story by ERIC V. COPAGE

Can You Find The "Hidden Message" ?

Why Black Women Are Dating Other Races - Pt. 1




SMH

Me & My Black Girlfriend

Thanks to my girl Selena for sending me this !

Are American White Men Afraid To Approach Black Women ?

I think we have all been on IR Blogs and seen the comment "why don't white men ever approach me ?" or "white men need to step up more." I would really like to examine what the problem is. Many times what happens is the discussion will be taken off course with conversations about white male privilege and all that white men will lose if they date or marry a Black Woman. Personally, I don't have the tolerance for that particular argument because all I can think of is let's discuss what he has to GAIN....that would be Joy Unspeakable. Also, the old favorite "white supremacy" comes into play where someone digs up their dead ancestors and beats everybody over the head with them. Therefore, we end up in these circular discussions that do little more than sharpen debating skills and that leads me to *Click* Next.

I think a lot of IR Bloggers have done an excellent job of dispelling the myth that white men are not attracted to black women. So, what's the problem ? Are white men afraid of us ? As one black woman put it, do we have to start "dropping it like it's hot" in front of white men at the grocery store ? Maybe start doing a little video-vixen diddy at the bookstore ? LOL...I'm not serious, but you get the point.

Frankly, I don't think it should be so hard or different than dating any other person. *You Quality Tarzan* *Me Quality Jane* let's go out on a date. Bam...end of story.

Some black women I've spoken to have given up on American white men and prefer dating European white men instead. The reasoning, European white men don't have all the "issues" related to America's history that often seems to be a barrier to American IR dating between BW & WM.

I honestly don't have the answer to the big question, but I at least wanted to open up the discussion for those who are encountering this problem while IR dating and for those who have not had this problem at all. Perhaps together we can learn from one another.

Are You Really Ready For An IRR ?

Let's be clear about BW and IRRs; not all BW enter into IRRs for the same reason. Some of us enter in IRRs out of preference, some because they just fell in love with a non-black man due to chance, some of us are realizing we want to open our options after only dating BM and I'm sure there are other reasons. I would also suggest that not every IR blog is for every BW. For the purpose of this post, I'm speaking to BW who are considering an IRR for the first time.

If you are still emotionally invested in a romantic sense with BM, please consider that you might not be ready to move into an IRR. For example, if you're out shopping and you run into a BM/WW couple and he looks like the IBM (Ideal Black Male) you've always dreamed of AND you get upset or angry, perhaps you're not ready.

If you still have a lot of anger towards BM, and I'm talking about BM in general not BM who hurt BW and children, perhaps you need to work through that first. Let go of the anger.

Why am I saying this ? I personally feel that you can't seek out a good, QUALITY man of ANY type if you are blinded by anger. Also, a good QUALITY man deserves ALL of you; he does NOT deserve to be second best.

Unshackle Yourself : An Open Letter to BW From A SWM Reader

Quantum has left a new comment on your post "Why Are BW So Afraid of Using Their Skin Privilege...":

I'm a SWM, and I'd like to add something here. I've ALWAYS loved darker skin, a thick, round bootie, and thicker lips, voluptuousness, etc. It's some of the things that have always drawn me to black women. Black women to me, are the sexiest women on the planet, and it has nothing do with experimentation or any of that silly nonsense that we WM always get accused of simply because we like whom we like.

I could never understand why BW would get uncomfortable and sometimes just plain turned off by that! It would make me think, "What's wrong with this person? Would you prefer I find you UNattractive? Or ugly? What's your hold up? And it is YOUR hold up." I'm just being honest here. It was incredibly frustrating. All I wanted to do was love a BW, but they wouldn't let me because I found their features attractive. It just made absolutely no sense! And not that the following doesn't carry any importance, but too many people make WAY too big of a deal over culture and whatever else, and so they don't relax and just be themselves and let others appreciate them. Let us WM appreciate you!!! So many BW have really missed out on great guys simply because they couldn't handle the fact that we WM find you so incredibly beautiful. Of course we want sex with you - God made us sexual beings. Did we cease being males and did you BW cease wanting sex because we find you incredible? If it's a fetish, then it's a permanent one. Would you prefer my desire for you would wane like the ocean tide? I would think not! I want a BW to desire me physically and sexually as much as I desire her! And permanently so. It's not just about body and sex, but that's a big part of it - just as important as the emotions, the mind, the spirit and the chemistry found in those areas.

I will never apologize (nor should I) for desiring big full lips, a big bootie, thick legs, round hips, a busty chest, or brown skin. I love curves and voluptuousness and sexy, brown skin. What else can I say about that? It's what I like and love. It's what I prefer, it's what I desire deep down. I always have. It's what God Almighty put inside of me to want. It's part of who I am. And if a BW would let a WM like me be a man, have my sexual desires, share them with her, and often, and let me love her and build a life with her, and if she'd do the same with me, then we could build the kind of life and marriage (one day), and our relationship would not only be hot and passionate, but it would serve as an example to others about the way God intended man and woman to love and relate to each other - on all levels. We could build a family and live our lives which is what it all ultimately comes down to. I mean, isn't that what any healthy human being wants, male or female, bottom line?

Sex and physical attraction are important, and I want both to be red hot, just like any BW would want. But it's only a part of me - not all of me. Let me be a man. Let me be attracted to you. Let me share it with you. If I can't show you because it's not the right time or place to, then I at least need to talk about it and I need you to hear me, and understand, and value how I beautiful and sexy I find you to be. Bottom line, I just want to love a woman and have her love me back the same - and my attraction to you (my "fetish" for you, or whatever you may want to call it), is permanent, and it's part of how I share and show my love.

I don't think BW truly understand how deep down into a man's (and in this case, a WM's) soul this desire for you goes. So many of you simply do NOT understand. After awhile, the frustration of not being released to share something that resides so deep down builds up to the point that it really hurts - it begins to really wound the heart. And we end up with people on both sides who don't feel appreciated, are frustrated, and walk away missing out and not sharing love. It's ridiculous - no wonder people in society are so miserable. All we're trying to do is love each other and we either don't know how to accept it, or we're blocked from sharing it. It's like we're bumbling around in the dark. It doesn't mean you have to get involved with everyone you meet, but don't turn away someone who appreciates you.

I've always considered myself strong, but all this is very difficult for a man like me to share. I'm being as honest and open as I know how to be. And I'm risking sharing this for your benefit so you women have the opportunity to learn. Not many men will share this openly with you. The internet affords me a bit of anonymity, so I can release myself a bit easier to be open.

Some of you may not know how to respond to this honesty; some of you may find it shocking that some of us men actually feel beyond sex. Well, we do. So if you're uncomfortable with my words, give it time, and you'll see I'm just human too.

The Art of Flirting & Self Respect-- Do You Have It ?

I love visual aides; therefore, I bring you scenes from "The Bodyguard" and "Waiting to Exhale."

First we have "The Bodyguard" :




Ok, now let's look at "Waiting to Exhale" :



Ok--my observations:

Clip 1
-The chemistry between the couple was extremely obvious
-Whitney's character kept DIRECT eye contact with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character SMILED and was CASUAL with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character kept drawing-out Kevin's character by ASKING Him QUESTIONS about himself in a non-threatening way (all the while charming, light and fun)
-Whitney's character casually led Kevin's character to the dance floor when a song came on she SENSED he liked (notice, the dance was NOT overtly sexual)


Clip 2
-I could smell the desperation of Whitney's character through my computer screen the moment she walked into the dance..lol
-Instead of looking casual and confident, Whitney's character searched that room (looking for her date) like the cure for cancer was "up in there"
-When the date finally showed up (smh)he immediately went into "mack" mode pretending that she was "the one" and Whitney's character ate it up...EVEN though she KNEW it was a lie. At that moment, she gave away ALL her "cards." I saw NO flirting...just a sure thing.


My point is that perhaps *some* of us who are looking at dating in a "new" light are used to dealing with the behaviors (both ours and the man's) in Clip 2. I'm suggesting, we think more about how the behaviors in Clip 1 are much more beneficial when dating. Projecting confidence is always a winning feeling, regardless of how the date turns out.

If you look at the behavior of the men in both clips, you might notice that during the different dance scenes, the men took different approaches. Kevin's character in Clip 1 was respectful, but definitely interested and attracted to Whitney's character. The character in Clip 2 was very disrespectful, imo, as he rubbed all over Whitney's bare skin and kept whispering "empty intimacies" to her. Whitney's character doesn't get a free pass either; in Clip 2 she ALLOWED herself to be "deceived" and played along with the false intimacy.

It was actually a wm's profile on a dating site that inspired this post. He stated that "he wished BW would respect themselves as much as HE respects them."

Why Are BW So Afraid of Using Their Skin Privileges ?

Believe it or not, we BW do have skin privileges too. WW have been using their skin privileges for centuries. It’s no secret that men from other cultures have desired (and still do) white skin and I haven’t exactly noticed WW having a problem with that.

However, let a WM say that he loves a BW’s skin and we go screaming for the hills, shouting “he has a fetish,” “he’s a chocolate freak.” Etc. I personally think we are missing the boat on this one. Of course, I’m not one to point fingers without telling on myself as well….lol. True story: while working my way through college I worked at an indie record store (yes, the owner insisted on calling it a record store not a CD store..lol). Anyhoo, we had a regular who was a WM who came in with his black girlfriend all the time. He was a really nice guy and the staff all loved him. So one day he brings up an album (yes, an actual album) with a dark brown BW, sans clothing, embracing a likewise un-clothed WM. I was the one waiting on him that day and he started explaining to me that he didn’t know the band, he was just buying the album for the cover. Wait for it…..because he LOVED the sight of the BW’s dark brown skin against the pale white of the man. He went on to say how it just “does something to me…the sight of all that dark skin next to pale skin, it just drives me crazy.” I immediately freaked-out and thought he was a “chocolate freak” and it was just “sick.” Actually, I was reacting to my BC (Black Community) conditioning that “teaches” BW that any non-black man who loves our skin tones and finds them desirable is “sick” or it’s somehow “abnormal.”

I want to challenge BW to think about why we get so offended or uncomfortable when a non-black man, especially if he’s white, desires us for our beautiful skin tones. Do you think it’s because of BC conditioning as I do, or do you have some other reason?
In the dating and mating game, are we BW throwing away a great asset?

And The Black Girl Gets The Prince

Princess Angela and Prince Max von und zu Liechtenstein.

Success Stories from The Asian Woman Files

Ok, the title of my post is in jest, but not by much. Another smart Asian woman is officially engaged to a high-profile man. James Gandolfini and Deborah Lin are heading down the aisle.

SOURCE



We as bw have got to get smarter about how we seek out mates. You can't tell me that there wasn't ONE bw in the entertainment business who was in James Gandolfini's circle and couldn't have landed him if she gave it a shot. Come on now. Hello, Gabrielle Union, Kerry Washington, Tracey Edmonds ( I mean really Tracey, Eddie Murphy..uhmmm..no) --you get the picture. I suspect these ladies are in the "nothing but a bm camp" smh.

Some of us may look at James and see that he is a big guy without a "male model body" and he's *gasp* bald. My response would be "and."..lol. I happen to think the man is sexy. I love his big hands, the bedroom eyes and the walk...hotness to me. I could care less that he's chunky. I bet you Deborah Lin couldn't care less either....lol. I'm sure Ms. Lin had other criteria in mind when she accepted Jame's proposal.

Asian women are a lot smarter than us when it comes to making mating decisions based on what is best for them and their futures. I'm sure "pretty boy" with a cool "swagger" factored NO WHERE on that list. I'm also sure, Ms. Lin couldn't give two flying figs what anyone else thinks about her man's looks either. That's something we bw have GOT to let go of. We spend way too much time trying to "represent" when it comes to the man we choose. We often let "fine" substitute for QUALITY.

I challenge bw to go out to lunch alone at a local spot where the "business types" head for a bite to eat. Just sit there and observe everyone while you eat. Take note of the ww and aw who might be there meeting husbands or boyfriends for lunch. Do these women (in their committed relationships) all have "pretty boys" or do they have regular guys ? Really pay attention...I did this and quickly realized that I was (stupidly) discounting a lot of QUALITY men. smh at myself.

Free your mind and mate smarter in 2008.

"Kissing You"

A little something for the "Something New" girls.

Get it !