Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Dating Landscape is Tough for ALL Women

Black Women Dating
Last week I was listening to the Dr. Laura show on my drive home from work as I do every evening. Dr. Laura took a call from a young WW who was worried that she was “crazy” or “neurotic” because she desires to get married and have children. Upon further prompting, Dr. Laura wanted to know why she felt so anxious about wanting to get married and the young woman went on to explain that she didn’t have any good prospects lined up. However, her friends were trying to set her up on a date with a “really nice guy.” Again, Dr. Laura didn’t see why this should cause the young woman such anxiety. Finally, the girl got to the real crux of her dilemma ….the “really nice guy” drove a delivery truck for a living and didn’t have any plans to further advance himself. The young woman was concerned because she didn’t think a man who drove a delivery truck would have the means to support a wife and family. This young woman decided that the life she wanted was that of a wife and stay-at-home mother. Upon hearing this, Dr. Laura advised her that what she felt did not make her “crazy” or “neurotic” but smart. She explained to this young woman that our society has shifted the traditional male roles such that women are made to feel like something is wrong with them when they express a desire to have the man be the sole provider for the family.

Upon listening to this call, it dawned on me that the dating/mating landscape is tough for ALL women. I think Dr. Laura is correct in her observation that men have a much skewed view of what it means to be a “man” / provider in 2008. I am of course speaking in generalities; there are some men who “get it” and relish taking care of their wives/families. As I navigate the online dating sites, I all too often notice the men, of all races, who mention in their profiles that they are not looking for women who are “gold-diggers” , “looking to get in their pockets”, “care about more than what he makes”, etc.

Unfortunately, this is a reality of the dating world today and we have to be cognizant of all the pitfalls as well as the options out there. I would just say be careful and choose wisely by first evaluating what type of lifestyle you want. In other words, if you want to be a mother and stay home, factor that in your decision when you are choosing men to date if your goal is marriage and family.

Dr. Laura ended her call with the young woman, advising her to go where the “quality men” are in her area who would most likely meet her needs. I actually think that is sage advice. (*Disclaimer – Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not for the faint of heart; either you love her or hate her & many hate her…lol*)

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