Swirl Society : Making News & Going Places !!

I was thrilled to see the dating site, Swirl Society, exclusively for Black women and White men making news on a *gasp* "Black news" site.  Times are a changing !

Los Angeles, CA (BlackNews.com) - Interracial relationships are viewed as a positive step towards smoother race relations by some; as "sellout" behavior and a denial of racial heritage by others. Interracial marriages more than doubled between 1980 and 1995. Black/White marriages increased an estimated 96% overall, with marriages between of Black women and White men increasing 171%.
Swirl Society was formed specifically for Black women and White men. Too many times other sites offering similar aspects over time become spammed, cluttered and to be honest far too expensive and no longer have a singular purpose. According to Shon Anthony of Los Angeles, "Swirl was formed out of an idea to find happiness for Black women and White men looking for the same thing." 

In today�s society, online dating has become as integral part of North American culture as the Internet itself. However, as the modern equivalent of traditional dating services, (internet) dating has had to overcome the stigma of "lonely hearts" and other negative images. Though interracial dating sites are not the only way to meet singles of other ethnic groups, they have certain advantages. There in lies one of biggest advantages of using a specialty interracial dating site: you can browse hundreds of personal ads of people with the same interest, which is to date someone outside their own race.
Swirl Society is a site where White men and Black women can feel free and safe to email, talk to and date. It�s a colorful world out there, so why limit yourself.
Miss Anthony's short term goal is to inform "Black American women to know there is a place out there to meet nice decent men from here in America as well as other parts of the world that are interested in them." Swirl Society is a place to chat, post on forums, write their own blogs, create events and express themselves through the profile page features and a lot of other features.
Anthony wants everyone to tell a friend and pass the website on. According to Shon Anthony, "I want Swirl Society to become a credible trusted site without interruptions, confrontations or negativity, its all about finding your true love."    Source

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www.swirlsociety.net

 I LOVE the goals Ms. Anthony has set for her site !!

Swirl Society -- Dating Site for Black Women & White Men

I haven't checked this dating site out, but I love the pic...lol. The site can be found here.

When the Politics of Race Seeps into Your Relationship

I met this great guy when I was in college. Mr. X was smart, respectful and very cute. I can honestly say, he was the perfect extrovert to my introvert. Mr. X was also a major history buff, so when he talked about Civil War facts and mentioned he had a lot of CW memorabilia, I didn't really think anything of it.

We were in the budding stages of the relationship and the biggest worry I had was how to tell my parents that he wasn't Black. I knew the racial issue would cause some problems for me at home; that was my major concern. Apart from my worries about my family, everything else was going well.

Until.......I discovered he had a HUGE confederate flag framed and hung above the living room sofa in his apartment. He took one look at my face and started explaining that he wasn't racist. He went on to explain that he and his family were direct descendants of a confederate soldier and for them the flag was about honoring family history. As someone born and bred in the south, I have heard all the arguments for and against this particular ideology about the confederate flag. I used to be one of those folks who thought they were sooooo "progressive" about this issue. I can remember (prior to this experience) getting on my high horse each time a Black Civil Rights group demanded the flag be taken down. My opinion was, "we have much bigger issues to be worried about. Taking down that flag won't change anything." My, my how my chickens came home to roost that day...lol.

Bottom line, I intellectually understood his position but I knew I could never stop that "kick in the stomach" feeling every time I saw that flag. It's like a Pavlovian response. I've seen it all my life and I know it has been used as a symbol of hatred, intimidation and violence. There was just no way that I could be with someone who had such love for that flag and have that be a part of my *zone.*

I couldn't change the way I felt anymore than he could. That was the end of a very promising relationship.

My question : Would something like this be a deal-breaker for you or would try to work through it if you thought the relationship was perfect in every other way ?

Bringing The BlAsian Love

Where ARE these couples ?

Me & My Black Girlfriend

Thanks to my girl Selena for sending me this !

Are American White Men Afraid To Approach Black Women ?

I think we have all been on IR Blogs and seen the comment "why don't white men ever approach me ?" or "white men need to step up more." I would really like to examine what the problem is. Many times what happens is the discussion will be taken off course with conversations about white male privilege and all that white men will lose if they date or marry a Black Woman. Personally, I don't have the tolerance for that particular argument because all I can think of is let's discuss what he has to GAIN....that would be Joy Unspeakable. Also, the old favorite "white supremacy" comes into play where someone digs up their dead ancestors and beats everybody over the head with them. Therefore, we end up in these circular discussions that do little more than sharpen debating skills and that leads me to *Click* Next.

I think a lot of IR Bloggers have done an excellent job of dispelling the myth that white men are not attracted to black women. So, what's the problem ? Are white men afraid of us ? As one black woman put it, do we have to start "dropping it like it's hot" in front of white men at the grocery store ? Maybe start doing a little video-vixen diddy at the bookstore ? LOL...I'm not serious, but you get the point.

Frankly, I don't think it should be so hard or different than dating any other person. *You Quality Tarzan* *Me Quality Jane* let's go out on a date. Bam...end of story.

Some black women I've spoken to have given up on American white men and prefer dating European white men instead. The reasoning, European white men don't have all the "issues" related to America's history that often seems to be a barrier to American IR dating between BW & WM.

I honestly don't have the answer to the big question, but I at least wanted to open up the discussion for those who are encountering this problem while IR dating and for those who have not had this problem at all. Perhaps together we can learn from one another.

Are You Really Ready For An IRR ?

Let's be clear about BW and IRRs; not all BW enter into IRRs for the same reason. Some of us enter in IRRs out of preference, some because they just fell in love with a non-black man due to chance, some of us are realizing we want to open our options after only dating BM and I'm sure there are other reasons. I would also suggest that not every IR blog is for every BW. For the purpose of this post, I'm speaking to BW who are considering an IRR for the first time.

If you are still emotionally invested in a romantic sense with BM, please consider that you might not be ready to move into an IRR. For example, if you're out shopping and you run into a BM/WW couple and he looks like the IBM (Ideal Black Male) you've always dreamed of AND you get upset or angry, perhaps you're not ready.

If you still have a lot of anger towards BM, and I'm talking about BM in general not BM who hurt BW and children, perhaps you need to work through that first. Let go of the anger.

Why am I saying this ? I personally feel that you can't seek out a good, QUALITY man of ANY type if you are blinded by anger. Also, a good QUALITY man deserves ALL of you; he does NOT deserve to be second best.

Unshackle Yourself : An Open Letter to BW From A SWM Reader

Quantum has left a new comment on your post "Why Are BW So Afraid of Using Their Skin Privilege...":

I'm a SWM, and I'd like to add something here. I've ALWAYS loved darker skin, a thick, round bootie, and thicker lips, voluptuousness, etc. It's some of the things that have always drawn me to black women. Black women to me, are the sexiest women on the planet, and it has nothing do with experimentation or any of that silly nonsense that we WM always get accused of simply because we like whom we like.

I could never understand why BW would get uncomfortable and sometimes just plain turned off by that! It would make me think, "What's wrong with this person? Would you prefer I find you UNattractive? Or ugly? What's your hold up? And it is YOUR hold up." I'm just being honest here. It was incredibly frustrating. All I wanted to do was love a BW, but they wouldn't let me because I found their features attractive. It just made absolutely no sense! And not that the following doesn't carry any importance, but too many people make WAY too big of a deal over culture and whatever else, and so they don't relax and just be themselves and let others appreciate them. Let us WM appreciate you!!! So many BW have really missed out on great guys simply because they couldn't handle the fact that we WM find you so incredibly beautiful. Of course we want sex with you - God made us sexual beings. Did we cease being males and did you BW cease wanting sex because we find you incredible? If it's a fetish, then it's a permanent one. Would you prefer my desire for you would wane like the ocean tide? I would think not! I want a BW to desire me physically and sexually as much as I desire her! And permanently so. It's not just about body and sex, but that's a big part of it - just as important as the emotions, the mind, the spirit and the chemistry found in those areas.

I will never apologize (nor should I) for desiring big full lips, a big bootie, thick legs, round hips, a busty chest, or brown skin. I love curves and voluptuousness and sexy, brown skin. What else can I say about that? It's what I like and love. It's what I prefer, it's what I desire deep down. I always have. It's what God Almighty put inside of me to want. It's part of who I am. And if a BW would let a WM like me be a man, have my sexual desires, share them with her, and often, and let me love her and build a life with her, and if she'd do the same with me, then we could build the kind of life and marriage (one day), and our relationship would not only be hot and passionate, but it would serve as an example to others about the way God intended man and woman to love and relate to each other - on all levels. We could build a family and live our lives which is what it all ultimately comes down to. I mean, isn't that what any healthy human being wants, male or female, bottom line?

Sex and physical attraction are important, and I want both to be red hot, just like any BW would want. But it's only a part of me - not all of me. Let me be a man. Let me be attracted to you. Let me share it with you. If I can't show you because it's not the right time or place to, then I at least need to talk about it and I need you to hear me, and understand, and value how I beautiful and sexy I find you to be. Bottom line, I just want to love a woman and have her love me back the same - and my attraction to you (my "fetish" for you, or whatever you may want to call it), is permanent, and it's part of how I share and show my love.

I don't think BW truly understand how deep down into a man's (and in this case, a WM's) soul this desire for you goes. So many of you simply do NOT understand. After awhile, the frustration of not being released to share something that resides so deep down builds up to the point that it really hurts - it begins to really wound the heart. And we end up with people on both sides who don't feel appreciated, are frustrated, and walk away missing out and not sharing love. It's ridiculous - no wonder people in society are so miserable. All we're trying to do is love each other and we either don't know how to accept it, or we're blocked from sharing it. It's like we're bumbling around in the dark. It doesn't mean you have to get involved with everyone you meet, but don't turn away someone who appreciates you.

I've always considered myself strong, but all this is very difficult for a man like me to share. I'm being as honest and open as I know how to be. And I'm risking sharing this for your benefit so you women have the opportunity to learn. Not many men will share this openly with you. The internet affords me a bit of anonymity, so I can release myself a bit easier to be open.

Some of you may not know how to respond to this honesty; some of you may find it shocking that some of us men actually feel beyond sex. Well, we do. So if you're uncomfortable with my words, give it time, and you'll see I'm just human too.

The Art of Flirting & Self Respect-- Do You Have It ?

I love visual aides; therefore, I bring you scenes from "The Bodyguard" and "Waiting to Exhale."

First we have "The Bodyguard" :




Ok, now let's look at "Waiting to Exhale" :



Ok--my observations:

Clip 1
-The chemistry between the couple was extremely obvious
-Whitney's character kept DIRECT eye contact with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character SMILED and was CASUAL with Kevin's character
-Whitney's character kept drawing-out Kevin's character by ASKING Him QUESTIONS about himself in a non-threatening way (all the while charming, light and fun)
-Whitney's character casually led Kevin's character to the dance floor when a song came on she SENSED he liked (notice, the dance was NOT overtly sexual)


Clip 2
-I could smell the desperation of Whitney's character through my computer screen the moment she walked into the dance..lol
-Instead of looking casual and confident, Whitney's character searched that room (looking for her date) like the cure for cancer was "up in there"
-When the date finally showed up (smh)he immediately went into "mack" mode pretending that she was "the one" and Whitney's character ate it up...EVEN though she KNEW it was a lie. At that moment, she gave away ALL her "cards." I saw NO flirting...just a sure thing.


My point is that perhaps *some* of us who are looking at dating in a "new" light are used to dealing with the behaviors (both ours and the man's) in Clip 2. I'm suggesting, we think more about how the behaviors in Clip 1 are much more beneficial when dating. Projecting confidence is always a winning feeling, regardless of how the date turns out.

If you look at the behavior of the men in both clips, you might notice that during the different dance scenes, the men took different approaches. Kevin's character in Clip 1 was respectful, but definitely interested and attracted to Whitney's character. The character in Clip 2 was very disrespectful, imo, as he rubbed all over Whitney's bare skin and kept whispering "empty intimacies" to her. Whitney's character doesn't get a free pass either; in Clip 2 she ALLOWED herself to be "deceived" and played along with the false intimacy.

It was actually a wm's profile on a dating site that inspired this post. He stated that "he wished BW would respect themselves as much as HE respects them."

Why Are BW So Afraid of Using Their Skin Privileges ?

Believe it or not, we BW do have skin privileges too. WW have been using their skin privileges for centuries. It’s no secret that men from other cultures have desired (and still do) white skin and I haven’t exactly noticed WW having a problem with that.

However, let a WM say that he loves a BW’s skin and we go screaming for the hills, shouting “he has a fetish,” “he’s a chocolate freak.” Etc. I personally think we are missing the boat on this one. Of course, I’m not one to point fingers without telling on myself as well….lol. True story: while working my way through college I worked at an indie record store (yes, the owner insisted on calling it a record store not a CD store..lol). Anyhoo, we had a regular who was a WM who came in with his black girlfriend all the time. He was a really nice guy and the staff all loved him. So one day he brings up an album (yes, an actual album) with a dark brown BW, sans clothing, embracing a likewise un-clothed WM. I was the one waiting on him that day and he started explaining to me that he didn’t know the band, he was just buying the album for the cover. Wait for it…..because he LOVED the sight of the BW’s dark brown skin against the pale white of the man. He went on to say how it just “does something to me…the sight of all that dark skin next to pale skin, it just drives me crazy.” I immediately freaked-out and thought he was a “chocolate freak” and it was just “sick.” Actually, I was reacting to my BC (Black Community) conditioning that “teaches” BW that any non-black man who loves our skin tones and finds them desirable is “sick” or it’s somehow “abnormal.”

I want to challenge BW to think about why we get so offended or uncomfortable when a non-black man, especially if he’s white, desires us for our beautiful skin tones. Do you think it’s because of BC conditioning as I do, or do you have some other reason?
In the dating and mating game, are we BW throwing away a great asset?

Adventures In Internet Dating

Let me just say, I lobster-loathe dating...lol. The process of dating always seems so fake to me. I like just meeting someone and getting to know them in a non-romantic setting and becoming friends. Eventually, if the chemistry is right, the friendship turns into dating. But, really, who has that kind of time now.

At any rate, internet dating so far makes me feeling like this :





Yep, internet dating makes the Pinkerton feel a little un-pretty. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm recovering from a bad cold and all my profile pics look horrid..lol.

I use to think my friend that married a guy she met on EHarmony after knowing him for 3 months was crazy and now I realize she was just tired of dating..lol.

Trying to avoid these type individuals has been challenging:



Oh yes, internet dating is an adventure. However, this is my year to confront all the things I said I would 'never' do or things I have been afraid to do. Internet dating ...check. Tomorrow is another day...it will get better.

Cousin Kim - No Sex in the City - What is Dating?

Yes indeed, what happened to dating ? When did dates morph into "hook-ups" ?

"Kissing You"

A little something for the "Something New" girls.

Get it !