CW is Throwing Down "The Challenge"

Single ladies, we need to take CW up on her offer to "just do it" this summer. The challenge is to stay off the net (as much as possible) June - August and position ourselves for the future. Find places in your area where you can meet QUALITY men. If Internet dating is your thing, then go that route as well..but always BE SMART and SAFE.



Pop over to Black Women Deserve Better and read more.

The Dating Landscape is Tough for ALL Women

Last week I was listening to the Dr. Laura show on my drive home from work as I do every evening. Dr. Laura took a call from a young WW who was worried that she was “crazy” or “neurotic” because she desires to get married and have children. Upon further prompting, Dr. Laura wanted to know why she felt so anxious about wanting to get married and the young woman went on to explain that she didn’t have any good prospects lined up. However, her friends were trying to set her up on a date with a “really nice guy.” Again, Dr. Laura didn’t see why this should cause the young woman such anxiety. Finally, the girl got to the real crux of her dilemma ….the “really nice guy” drove a delivery truck for a living and didn’t have any plans to further advance himself. The young woman was concerned because she didn’t think a man who drove a delivery truck would have the means to support a wife and family. This young woman decided that the life she wanted was that of a wife and stay-at-home mother. Upon hearing this, Dr. Laura advised her that what she felt did not make her “crazy” or “neurotic” but smart. She explained to this young woman that our society has shifted the traditional male roles such that women are made to feel like something is wrong with them when they express a desire to have the man be the sole provider for the family.

Upon listening to this call, it dawned on me that the dating/mating landscape is tough for ALL women. I think Dr. Laura is correct in her observation that men have a much skewed view of what it means to be a “man” / provider in 2008. I am of course speaking in generalities; there are some men who “get it” and relish taking care of their wives/families. As I navigate the online dating sites, I all too often notice the men, of all races, who mention in their profiles that they are not looking for women who are “gold-diggers” , “looking to get in their pockets”, “care about more than what he makes”, etc.

Unfortunately, this is a reality of the dating world today and we have to be cognizant of all the pitfalls as well as the options out there. I would just say be careful and choose wisely by first evaluating what type of lifestyle you want. In other words, if you want to be a mother and stay home, factor that in your decision when you are choosing men to date if your goal is marriage and family.

Dr. Laura ended her call with the young woman, advising her to go where the “quality men” are in her area who would most likely meet her needs. I actually think that is sage advice. (*Disclaimer – Dr. Laura Schlessinger is not for the faint of heart; either you love her or hate her & many hate her…lol*)

Do You Know How To Evaluate A New Partner ?

****Disclaimer**** Miss Pinky is Providing this information as a learning tool only. It's Your Choice To Use The Information In Your Personal Life.

Good Signs in a Dating Partner

There are plenty of single people who are conscious and healthy and have some insight into themselves. The following is a list of the traits and behaviors that an ideal healthy dating partner will exhibit. While no one may fit all of these, use this as a general guide to assess the health of your partner.

Healthy dating partners:

• are comfortable in discussing their feelings about their past and present life

• have good relationships with their family members but are also living a physically and psychologically independent life

• respect your physical and emotional boundaries and reveal vulnerable information about themselves gradually over time

• use intoxicants occasionally or not at all, and when they do use them, they do so without losing control or significantly changing their personality

• are comfortable and secure enough within themselves to be satisfied with attention from you; do not need to constantly seek out attention and admiration from others

• are psychologically finished with previous significant relationships

• have had enough time to get over the breakup of their last significant relationship (at least three to six months from a breakup with a dating partner and at least one year from the legal date of a divorce or breakup from a cohabiting or marriage relationship)

• are financially stable and seem to be able to handle financial issues without losing control

• can balance the need for control with the ability to be flexible when appropriate

• are able to express fears or vulnerability in emotionally safe situations

• are reliable; follow through on pre-arranged plans; show up on time for most meetings

• have an appropriate emphasis on physical or sexual themes as an integrated part of an overall blossoming romantic relationship; do not always need external "props" to become aroused or perform sexually

• have one or more personal friendships that they have sustained for at least several years

• show an interest in you and your feelings and activities as well as in their own

• have a lifestyle which is conducive and allows for the addition of an intimate relationship; are able to balance work and personal life and create enough time for both

• have a positive, optimistic outlook on life

• have a good sense of humor

• take responsibility for their life, their feelings and the consequences of their decisions without blaming others

• take care of self physically and emotionally; dresses in a clean, attractive manner and eats right and exercises regularly

• are able to receive constructive feedback from others without getting defensive

• if they use computers, they use a computer as a tool, not as a constant companion

• have more friends and acquaintances in their real life than in cyberspace

• know how to resolve conflict in a constructive manner, or is willing to learn how to do so

• allow themselves to feel their anger and resentment and expresses anger in an appropriate manner

Remember, this list is only a guide. If you are dating someone you really like and find they don't have all of these qualities, don't be overly concerned. In that case this list may be a guide for how to improve your relationship even more. On the other hand, if you find that your current dating partner has less than half of the qualities on this list, you may want to re-evaluate whether or not the relationship is truly healthy for you.

Article courtesy of : Relationship Institute

Cousin Kim - No Sex in the City - What is Dating?

Yes indeed, what happened to dating ? When did dates morph into "hook-ups" ?

Success Stories from The Asian Woman Files

Ok, the title of my post is in jest, but not by much. Another smart Asian woman is officially engaged to a high-profile man. James Gandolfini and Deborah Lin are heading down the aisle.

SOURCE



We as bw have got to get smarter about how we seek out mates. You can't tell me that there wasn't ONE bw in the entertainment business who was in James Gandolfini's circle and couldn't have landed him if she gave it a shot. Come on now. Hello, Gabrielle Union, Kerry Washington, Tracey Edmonds ( I mean really Tracey, Eddie Murphy..uhmmm..no) --you get the picture. I suspect these ladies are in the "nothing but a bm camp" smh.

Some of us may look at James and see that he is a big guy without a "male model body" and he's *gasp* bald. My response would be "and."..lol. I happen to think the man is sexy. I love his big hands, the bedroom eyes and the walk...hotness to me. I could care less that he's chunky. I bet you Deborah Lin couldn't care less either....lol. I'm sure Ms. Lin had other criteria in mind when she accepted Jame's proposal.

Asian women are a lot smarter than us when it comes to making mating decisions based on what is best for them and their futures. I'm sure "pretty boy" with a cool "swagger" factored NO WHERE on that list. I'm also sure, Ms. Lin couldn't give two flying figs what anyone else thinks about her man's looks either. That's something we bw have GOT to let go of. We spend way too much time trying to "represent" when it comes to the man we choose. We often let "fine" substitute for QUALITY.

I challenge bw to go out to lunch alone at a local spot where the "business types" head for a bite to eat. Just sit there and observe everyone while you eat. Take note of the ww and aw who might be there meeting husbands or boyfriends for lunch. Do these women (in their committed relationships) all have "pretty boys" or do they have regular guys ? Really pay attention...I did this and quickly realized that I was (stupidly) discounting a lot of QUALITY men. smh at myself.

Free your mind and mate smarter in 2008.