A Free Black Woman Has The Right To Choose

From time to time, some people may drop by to tell us how "misguided" we are or try to "save us from our selves." I like to address things I "smell" coming before they get out of hand. Therefore, let me be clear: As FREE, intelligent BW, we individually know our own minds and have our own life experiences.

I encourage each BW who reads this blog to be confident in what you know is your truth and move forward with your goals, desires and plans for your life. It has always been my understanding that the BW Bloggers I respect (check my Blog Roll) have encouraged BW to do the same.

If you want to be open to ALL Quality men, that is your right. If you want to exclusively date Quality WM, that is your right. Whatever choice YOU make, it is your right. Whatever your decision, choose Quality above all else. Life is not a cake-walk if the person walking with you shares your same skin tone, so what the hell difference does it make if he doesn't ?

Let me also say that I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with strategizing with other sistas about how to find the best Quality man to date/marry. In my opinion, smart women know that whom they decide to marry is one of the single most important decisions you make in life. Do not let anyone make you feel "ashamed" or "superficial" for this. The decision about who you marry is not just "getting a man," it is a decision that determines the kind of life you have. It's not getting somebody to warm your bed, it's your FUTURE and that of any children you may choose to have. Again, know your own mind and do not let others deter you from your own goals.

CNN Initiative To Focus On Black America

Four-Month, Multi-Platform Project Begins With ‘King Assassination’ Content

By R. Thomas Umstead -- Multichannel News, 3/12/2008 4:00:00 AM

CNN will examine the current state of Black America as part of a four-month on-air and digital initiative dubbed CNN Presents: Black in America.

The initiative will include three, two-hour documentaries anchored by CNN special correspondent Soledad O’Brien focusing on “fresh analysis from new voices about the real lives behind the stereotypes, statistics and identity politics that frequently frame the national dialog about Black America,’ said the network.

The initiative is slated to April 3 with Eyewitness To Murder: The King Assassination, recognizing the 40-year anniversary of civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr.’s death.

Along with the specials, the project will feature a weekly series of reports that will investigate topics, including parenthood and marital rates among black adults; high rates of HIV/AIDS among African-Americans; achievement gaps in education, careers; and disparities in life expectancy rates between African Americans and the general population.

Later this month, CNN.com will launch a Web portal entitled Black in America that will feature excerpts from the programming and exclusive interviews with eyewitnesses to history. The section also will include timelines, maps and multimedia stories that highlight the ripple effects the King assassination had on the United States, said the network.

Among the other scheduled shows: Black in America: The Black Man, (June 18); and Black in America: The Black Woman & Family (June 19).

‘As we developed this series, it was critical to go beyond what viewers believe and already know to introduce them to the real people behind the headlines that we report every day on our assignments,’ O’Brien said. SOURCE

Me & My Black Girlfriend

Thanks to my girl Selena for sending me this !

Are American White Men Afraid To Approach Black Women ?

I think we have all been on IR Blogs and seen the comment "why don't white men ever approach me ?" or "white men need to step up more." I would really like to examine what the problem is. Many times what happens is the discussion will be taken off course with conversations about white male privilege and all that white men will lose if they date or marry a Black Woman. Personally, I don't have the tolerance for that particular argument because all I can think of is let's discuss what he has to GAIN....that would be Joy Unspeakable. Also, the old favorite "white supremacy" comes into play where someone digs up their dead ancestors and beats everybody over the head with them. Therefore, we end up in these circular discussions that do little more than sharpen debating skills and that leads me to *Click* Next.

I think a lot of IR Bloggers have done an excellent job of dispelling the myth that white men are not attracted to black women. So, what's the problem ? Are white men afraid of us ? As one black woman put it, do we have to start "dropping it like it's hot" in front of white men at the grocery store ? Maybe start doing a little video-vixen diddy at the bookstore ? LOL...I'm not serious, but you get the point.

Frankly, I don't think it should be so hard or different than dating any other person. *You Quality Tarzan* *Me Quality Jane* let's go out on a date. Bam...end of story.

Some black women I've spoken to have given up on American white men and prefer dating European white men instead. The reasoning, European white men don't have all the "issues" related to America's history that often seems to be a barrier to American IR dating between BW & WM.

I honestly don't have the answer to the big question, but I at least wanted to open up the discussion for those who are encountering this problem while IR dating and for those who have not had this problem at all. Perhaps together we can learn from one another.

A Note About "Black Bashing"

I do not "Black Bash" on this blog. But don't think for one minute I will censor my opinions about things that *I* feel we, as Black Women/People, can do better. If some want to consider asking Black folks to raise their expectations higher, "bashing," that is their definition of it...not mine.

I'm addressing this issue now as it came up in the comments of the fiction for BW post. To clarify for anyone that missed it, I don't think those books should be marketed to us as "AA romance novels." I never questioned the tastes of those who choose to read them. I would like for BW to have "normal" romantic stories that are free of drugs, violence, fighting over men, jail romances, etc.

This note is not intended to offend the Anon who made the comment; I just like to address misunderstandings and put them to bed.

A New Underground Railroad is Born : A Message from Black Women Vote !

Subject: The Dunbar Village Atrocity

Synopsis:

In the past week, a rapidly-moving viral email campaign was launched, and thousands of concerned black citizens spread the word about a shocking crime against a Black woman and her 12 year old son, in which crimes against nature were committed. (read more details of the crime here)

This email, entitled “Stop Al Sharpton and the NAACP from endangering Black Women,” described a stunning betrayal in which the NAACP and Al Sharpton held a press conference and demanded bail consideration for three suspects in custody for the crime. (source1) (source2)

Concerned Black citizens all around the country were outraged by the actions of the NAACP and Al Sharpton, and many vowed to withdraw volunteering and financial support from these agencies “until they make the safety of Black women and children a priority.”

On March 24, 2008 an NAACP memo that attempted to defend this betrayal was sent to Beverly Neal, who is the Director of the NAACP’s Florida State Conference. The memo claims that the NAACP was brought into this fray by Rev. Al Sharpton. Moreover, the memo was written by Maude Ford Lee, who is President of the West Palm Beach Branch of the NAACP. (read the memo here)

On March 27,2008, activist Al Sharpton went on the air to clarify his position on the treatment of the Dunbar Village Suspects. He invited writer Tonyaa Weathersbee and blogger Arlene Fenton to his show, to discuss the matter. Rev. Sharpton claimed that he never said that the Dunbar Village suspects were being treated unfairly, and that he did not want bail for the suspects in question.

Ms Weathersbee and Ms Fenton said that their research indicated otherwise, as indicated by video footage, eyewitness accounts, and the reporting from the Florida Sun Sentinel and the Palm Beach Post.

At the end of the radio show, Al Sharpton strongly condemned any activity that would promote bail consideration for the suspects in question. Rev. Sharpton admitted that “if the suspects were white, he would have been there sooner.” He stated that this is a problem with many black civil rights organizations. He apologized and vowed to uphold his prior promise to advocate for the residents of Dunbar Village. He also challenged all activists, bloggers, and writers to be accountable to each other.

To date, the NAACP has not made an official statement denouncing the Dunbar Village Atrocity, nor have they officially expressed regret to the victim. The NAACP also has not officially retracted their statement requesting bail consideration for the alleged rapists/torturers. To our understanding, neither agency has contributed to the Victim’s Assistance Fund or created a reward program geared toward the apprehension of the remaining rapists/torturers.


Conclusion

WE ARE SATISFIED with Al Sharpton’s qualifying statements that he made on his radio show on 3/27/2008. We will watch to see if he fulfills his promise to advocate for the residents of Dunbar Village, and we are willing to assist any effort that promotes safer black neighborhoods in West Palm Beach, FL.


WE ARE NOT CONTENT with the reckless, irresponsible actions of the NAACP (West Palm Beach chapter). We continue to urge all black people, women especially, to refrain from volunteering or giving financially to this organization until they take our safety seriously.


WHAT WE WANT

We want law enforcement to make a concerted, sustained effort to apprehend the remaining suspects. We want to see a genuine reward system in place to encourage members of the community to come forward with the knowledge of the whereabouts of the remaining suspects.

We want the NAACP (West Palm Beach chapter) to reverse their position that the alleged rapists/torturers of this case should be considered for bail.

We want both the NAACP and the National Action Network to cease downgrading the gang rape/torture/atrocity of the Dunbar Village by comparing it to an unrelated gang rape, in which guns, maiming, and forced incest were not involved.

We want to see genuine victim advocacy in the form of financial support for the relocation, medical expenses, and mental therapy for the true victims in this case.


The Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund

Individuals who would like to donate money to the victims can go to any Wachovia Bank and donate to the St. Ann’s Victim’s Assistance Fund. Donations will go directly to the mother and her son.

St. Ann’s Catholic Church will also accept donations. Checks can be made payable to the "Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund - St. Ann’s".

Donations can be mailed to: St. Ann’s Catholic Church, 310 N. Olive Avenue, West Palm Beach, FL 33401

If you would like to post this Open Letter on your blog, you can copy the HTML here:

(Blogger HTML) A New Underground Railroad is Born
(General HTML) A New Underground Railroad is Born

For more information about this Dunbar Village Campaign, you can visit any of the following blogs:

http://www.dunbarvillage.blogspot.com/
http://adifferentstory.wordpress.com/
http://anonymissblog.blogspot.com/
http://auntjemimasrevenge.blogspot.com/
http://blackfirewhitefire.blogspot.com/
http://blackwomenvote.blogspot.com/
http://charactercorner.blogspot.com/
http://electronicvillage.blogspot.com/
http://episcopalienne.blogspot.com/
http://essentialpresence.blogspot.com/
http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/
http://h-essays.blogspot.com/
http://lareinacobre.blogspot.com/
http://mynewblog-ravenelvenlady.blogspot.com/
http://politicalseason.blogspot.com/
http://privyconcepts.blogspot.com/
http://thesowingcircle.blogspot.com/
http://tributetoblackwomen.com/news
http://web.mac.com/roslynholcomb/iWeb/Site/Blog/Blog.html
http://whataboutourdaughters.com/
http://whattamisaid.blogspot.com/
http://www.blacksapience.blogspot.com/
http://yanmommasaid.blogspot.com/
http://www.somethingwithin.com/blog

This Is Supposed to Be Romantic ?

Peruse any bookstore chain's designated BW's section for romantic fiction and you'll likely find books similar to these:

Love Like Hallelujah :

Book Description
Lutishia Lovely returns to the Kingdom Citizens and Mount Progressive congregations, with updates, and sometimes upsets, on the lascivious lives of some scandalous saints.

With infidelity behind them, Tai's marriage to her pastor husband, King, is stronger than ever. Even when King's ex-lover, Tootie, comes back to town, Tai keeps her cool. That is until she hears that Tootie has a teenage son no one knew existed--a son who could be King's. Tootie isn't talking, and when she finally does, can she be believed? Tai doesn't think so and enlists the help of her best friend Vivian to find out the truth. What they find out, however, is more than either of them ever wanted to know.

Vivian must also deal with her husband's former assistant, a woman who believes that if it wasn't for Vivian, she would have been first lady of Kingdom Citizen's Christian Center. Now she's back to claim what's hers. Millicent's back also, just in time for the marriage of Hope and Cy, the man she thought she'd be married to by now. But she's not the only church member whose dream becomes a nightmare. What happens when love feels more like harried hell instead of hallelujah? There's only one way to find out...

Fool Stop Trippin':

Book Description
Tina Brooks McKinney is back with the third thrilling installment in her "drama" trilogy -- where people will do anything to get the love they feel they deserve.

When Tarcia finds out the man she's been trying to snag already has a family, she becomes desperate and willing to go to any lengths to get back what she's lost -- even when it means tearing up another family to pin this married man down for herself. Claiming pregnancy is just another move for her, but one that might end her up in jail.

At the same time, Sammie -- a familiar face from All That Drama and Lawd, Mo' Drama -- is battling through her own relationship problems as well, and her insecurities are hijacking any chance she might have for happiness. And while Jasmine, Sammie's half-sister, tries to help her make it through the tough times, she might end up as more of a hindrance to Sammie's emotional well-being.

As the characters search for the perfect life, readers are put in tune with their boiling emotions and learn the cost of basing one's happiness on having a mate. How far should one go in pursuing love, and what happens when all these go-getters start trippin' over each other in the chase? Who, if any of them, will discover true bliss in the end?

Something on the Side:

From Publishers Weekly

The only requirement to joining the Big Girls Book Club is all ladies must be at least a size 14. Another unofficial rule appears to be having something going on in one's love life that's a little bit dangerous. But in Weber's raunchy romantic comedy, these babes find there's a consequence to every freaky action in or out of the bedroom. The BGBC president is Tammy, a sexy egomaniac whose marriage suffers after she persuades her best friend Egypt to participate in a threesome as a birthday gift for her hubby, Tim. Egypt's sister, Isis, must face the truth about her fiancé, Tony, while Egypt learns keeping secrets from the girls isn't wise. Coco, BGBC's aggressive single, finally meets her match. And the trouble Nikki is having with Tiny, the woman she left her jealous husband for, gets intense after Nikki meets a new flame. Weber keeps things tight and funny; readers with a bent for the bootylicious will certainly want to pick this one up. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


I mean no offense to the authors, I just don't find anything "romantic" about these storylines. I'm sure there are good books as well, but my point is that they are lost amongst the not-so romantic books marketed to BW.

The Black Feminine Mystique Experience (BFME)

When was the last time some non-black woman looked at your hair in utter amazement ? Have you had a Becky-type put her tanned arm next to yours and then exclaim "look, I'm almost as brown as you ?" Have you had to have the discussion about how our natural hair can do amazing things ? Has some misguided Becky-type put her hands in your hair because she just "had to see how y'all do that ?" If you answered yes to any of these questions (and there are tons more..lol) you've had the Black Feminine Mystique Experience.

Now, I know some people may take offense to me using "Becky" when referring to WW. However, I use it to specifically refer to the kind of WW who knows she has a special "skin privilege card" AND uses it. With that said, I"ll continue.

I started thinking of a phrase to describe those annoying and sometimes enraging moments when non-black women (usually a Becky) will invade *me* to ask questions about my hair, skin, lips, makeup (as in how I can "get away with" not wearing mascara, blush,etc.) The phrase that jumped out at me was BFME.

Apparently, we BW are so *other-worldly* and mysterious that everything about us is sooo fascinating to some folks. I am being a little facetious. The truth is we ARE special. No other woman has what we do and in so many variations. I believe our feminine beauty is striking and alluring....POWERFUL. But, that does not give rude people the right to expect me to entertain their "curiosity."

I will NEVER forget the day I came in to work with braids and my Becky manager at the time came running over to me and screamed "I'm sorry, but I HAVE to see how you did that," right after her initial screech, she proceeded to put her red dragon talons in my hair. I was livid. I felt like I had been violated; probably because I had been. We worked in a Corporate environment and in front of an entire department, this idiot was fishing through my hair. I don't know about you ladies, but I have NEVER been that enthralled with another woman's hair to the point that I just had to get all up in it. It must have been the BFM.

When I started wearing my hair naturally, I don't know how many lectures I had to give on why it was "different" now. I was way too tolerant of other folks ignorance. I used to look at it as a "teaching opportunity." I no longer have the patience; folks will have to learn on somebody else's dime. Hhhmmm...reminds me of a conversation between two Becky's:

Becky #1- "they make me sick." (referring to a group of Black girls)

Becky #2 - "yea, always showing off with that weird hair...they just want attention" (now the

Black girls did not have blue or orange hair, etc-- just cute cuts, a french roll...nothing

out-there)

It must have been the BFM that got them all shook up..lol. Pay attention ladies, I'm sure you'll recognize your own BFM experiences.

Uhhmmmm...I Have NO Words

Except....don't blame Vogue.

Click here for the story. (SMH)

"Dangerous" Black Women ?

Ok, I needed my moment of comedy above before I tackled this post. As I was reading Aimee’s excellent article about Race and Gender, the usual suspects came out of the cyber-woodwork to challenge why BW need to advocate for themselves. I get soooooo tired of watching BW having to defend our right to be unapologetically interested in advancing our own agenda---however WE define it. Why is it that for BW to organize in any fashion with one another we have to explain why we’re doing so is legitimate? When other “groups” mobilize and set their agendas, why aren’t they questioned as to the validity of said agendas? Does anyone dare question the validity of organized groups within the Jewish community for example? Why should the importance of their agendas be more sacred than that of BW?

When a BW’s child is missing, I believe it’s less relevant to the population in general than that of a WW’s child. Perhaps we need our own "________ "’s Law. Does that count as a valid item to put on the BW’s agenda? Why does anyone have the right to denounce it if BW decided that it is an item we should have on our agenda. Does that imply that we don’t care about missing non-black children…NO. What it does mean, to me, is that I care about missing black children enough to make sure their names & faces make it to the airwaves EQUALLY as much as that of ALL other missing children. Why is that so hard to understand?

If the BW’s agenda includes how we are portrayed in the media, our healthcare, etc, Why is that so taboo? BW have been at the back of the everything bus for too long..just waiting for someone to value OUR problems as equal to that of other groups. We’re still waiting….but some of us are tired of waiting and want to DO something. However, let us start talking about just forming an agenda (not the actual “doing”) and you get folks stumbling up in the discussion crying “we are the world.” **** that….and yes, the word starts with an “F.”

As CW says, “The Time is Now”---whoever wants to ride with us is welcome and whoever has a problem with BW being “selfish” for the sake of our survival, thriving and happiness can check Johnny Cash on the left side-bar. We don’t OWE anyone a justification for our RIGHT to advocate for ourselves independently of any other “group.”

Would You Seek Counsel From This Fellow ?

Clearly I need a little comedy today..lol. Apparently Bishop Don “magic” Magic has just what Britney Spears needs.

“Britney all I need is 33 minutes of your time to sit down, to talk and to find out what it is that you’re missing in your life to fulfill your dreams because dreams do come true. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I understand what you are going through Britney and you don’t have to go through it like that. One day at a time. That’s all God asks for. One day at a time. Don’t worry about the day before or the day after.”

Thanks to Bossip for the story.

THE POWER OF YOUR PERIOD

**Not Safe For Work** It's "Vagina Power" Alexyss...LOL

Now, Alexyss is sometimes hard to "get" with the profanity and all. However, between the meta-physical speak and profanity, there is some good knowledge.

Only watch this is you can deal with the explicit language. Oh...and I'm not even touching Part 1.

Hotness Pics Are Fun, But What About Regular Guys ?

I love my hotness pics and will continue to feature them. However, I started to wonder, what about the regular guys ? Now, my example here, Mike Holmes, from the "Holmes on Homes" show is a celebrity--but, I think he represents a regular guy quite nicely.

So ladies, what say ye....would you like to see "regular guys" featured here as well ?

A Note About Evia, Halima & The Ladies of Gen II

I found Evia and Halima's blogs by way of the now infamous AP news article about the depressing numbers of single black women seeking to "date out" as an option to marriage...the "Something New" movement. As I read that AP article, I recognized my experience and those of my black women friends, acquaintances and even some family members. I knew from jump street when I started reading Evia & Halima that they were not going to "speak" to every black woman. I often found it puzzling why those women who did not have the experiences that Evia & Halima spoke of, just didn't move on to other blogs that would speak to their experiences with IR relationships, black men and the black community. The endless "trolls" and arguments were so tiresome. I think it has been stated that Evia turned off the comments on her original blog that is now the E-zine.

Then along came Evia's Gen II, a private subscription only blog. I decided to address my feelings on this subject and then never speak of it again because of my Gen II experience. So much has been said or inferred about the reason Gen II was formed and what went on there. I have to say much of what has been said, based on my own experience as a subscriber, is so wrong. Apart from regular commenters, other subscribers would have no idea who was a member, therefore, I don't "know" all the people who joined. But what I do know is that all members, silent or vocal, eventually became a community.

That's right, we had a small community of black women and some men. I'm writing this today because I want it known that there are some AMAZING women in the Gen II community. We are wonderful, smart, enterprising, good-hearted and just, again, the ladies of Gen II are amazing women. We are not mindless sheep who worship at the altar of any human being. I think what some people don't understand is that by creating Gen II, Evia gave us a place where we could have our own space, free of trolls and others who did not like what she or Halima had to offer to those of us who SOUGHT OUT what they had to say and what we could learn from other women on the blog. People were WILLING to pay for that privilege. For anyone who doesn't know, the Gen II ladies encouraged Evia to share some of the full articles from the paid blog on the Ezine and Evia was glad to do so. We are FREE BLACK WOMEN with minds of our own and what we choose to do with our money is our own business. Contrary to what some may think, we didn't sit around cyber-altars chanting about how evil all black men are or whatever some folks think. We discussed dbr men of all types when it came up. But we also networked, shared life experiences, encouraged each other to travel & shared travel experiences....I even discovered Bikram Yoga (thanks Delish !) I'm truly sorry if other members didn't have the same experience for whatever reason.

Some people may challenge my take about Gen II because so much has been written/said about "The Mammy Chronicles." To that I have to say, the Chronicles were never meant to demean anyone with a weight problem. It has always been my understanding that the Chronicles were meant to be a caricature of the behaviors that destroy the lives of some black women. For example, doing everything for everybody else except herself, never accepting help....essentially being a "mule" for the world. That is my honest belief of the intent behind them. The author can correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember the Chronicles started during a time when everyone was so sick and tired of hearing about black woman and child after another being murdered or raped and out of the author's mind came a way to cope with that. We were able to stop and laugh at the utter ridiculousness to keep from screaming. That is how the Chronicles were "born."

Now about the whole spying issue. I can only speak for myself, but it is my perception that the entire situation was so explosive because some felt their privacy had been invaded because Gen II was a "protected" community. In hindsight, I think emotions got in the way and Miriam was unfairly labeled a "spy" and for that I offer her my own personal apology.

I like my life off-line to mirror my life on-line: that's drama free. The notion that there are "blog wars" is just too stupid to comprehend anymore in light of the state of our nation...with the war and the economy, etc. However, people will do what they will do. For me, I have closed this ugly chapter in blog-land with this post and I'm moving on to more important things. After all, I have weeks and weeks of hotness pics to find.

Ageism & Internet Dating ?

Several ladies in a previous post have stated that they are running into "cyber ageism" on Internet dating sites. As a result, I went out and did a little research on several dating sites and I have to say there are a lot of men out there in the 40+ age group looking for much younger women. There is nothing scientific about what I did, so I certainly couldn't relate my research to the general population of single men over 40.

I have to ask, isn't this just male privilege ? Men have always had the privilege to play the field until they are in their 40s and then decide they want to get married and have a family. Men with that mind-set know they can find a woman 10-15 years younger than themselves to marry and start a family with. However, women have never had that privilege because we know that our typical child-bearing years are not endless. It is my own OPINION that a lot of these men on dating sites are not looking to "start a family"--to me, it's code-speak for "I want hot arm candy."

When I reviewed some of the dating profiles, a lot of these over 40 guys looking for women 25-35 were already divorced with children. So, they will have to try again on that "start a family line"..lol. If these guys were really honest I think they would say they want younger women because they have the perception that women their own age have "let themselves go" or are "not as spontaneous" as younger women.

Personally I feel like this about age: Age Ain't Nothing but a Number

I realize my "feel good moment" above is not an answer to how women can combat the problem of ageism in dating, but I think you have to live your life un-apologetically as you are NOW and any QUALITY man will be more interested in getting to know you as a person vs. how old you are. Personally, I don't think Internet dating alone is the way-to-go for women of any age if the goal is marriage and children. I would keep Internet dating open, but also try other avenues such as community events, professional clubs / associations, volunteering, etc.

Now, if you just want to play the field and date, younger men are always an option. Check this article for more details....but consider the source...lol.

Let's discuss.

Are You Really Ready For An IRR ?

Let's be clear about BW and IRRs; not all BW enter into IRRs for the same reason. Some of us enter in IRRs out of preference, some because they just fell in love with a non-black man due to chance, some of us are realizing we want to open our options after only dating BM and I'm sure there are other reasons. I would also suggest that not every IR blog is for every BW. For the purpose of this post, I'm speaking to BW who are considering an IRR for the first time.

If you are still emotionally invested in a romantic sense with BM, please consider that you might not be ready to move into an IRR. For example, if you're out shopping and you run into a BM/WW couple and he looks like the IBM (Ideal Black Male) you've always dreamed of AND you get upset or angry, perhaps you're not ready.

If you still have a lot of anger towards BM, and I'm talking about BM in general not BM who hurt BW and children, perhaps you need to work through that first. Let go of the anger.

Why am I saying this ? I personally feel that you can't seek out a good, QUALITY man of ANY type if you are blinded by anger. Also, a good QUALITY man deserves ALL of you; he does NOT deserve to be second best.

Hhhmmm....Haven't I Heard This Before ?

Folks have been sipping HARD on the BC poisoned punch; you know the kind in that big jug that they drag out for every church meeting and funeral. smh.

I'm so tired of other folks telling BW that we are "imagining" things. Everything is just beautiful in the BC----IF you're chugging down that punch.

Do You Know How To Evaluate A New Partner ?

****Disclaimer**** Miss Pinky is Providing this information as a learning tool only. It's Your Choice To Use The Information In Your Personal Life.

Good Signs in a Dating Partner

There are plenty of single people who are conscious and healthy and have some insight into themselves. The following is a list of the traits and behaviors that an ideal healthy dating partner will exhibit. While no one may fit all of these, use this as a general guide to assess the health of your partner.

Healthy dating partners:

• are comfortable in discussing their feelings about their past and present life

• have good relationships with their family members but are also living a physically and psychologically independent life

• respect your physical and emotional boundaries and reveal vulnerable information about themselves gradually over time

• use intoxicants occasionally or not at all, and when they do use them, they do so without losing control or significantly changing their personality

• are comfortable and secure enough within themselves to be satisfied with attention from you; do not need to constantly seek out attention and admiration from others

• are psychologically finished with previous significant relationships

• have had enough time to get over the breakup of their last significant relationship (at least three to six months from a breakup with a dating partner and at least one year from the legal date of a divorce or breakup from a cohabiting or marriage relationship)

• are financially stable and seem to be able to handle financial issues without losing control

• can balance the need for control with the ability to be flexible when appropriate

• are able to express fears or vulnerability in emotionally safe situations

• are reliable; follow through on pre-arranged plans; show up on time for most meetings

• have an appropriate emphasis on physical or sexual themes as an integrated part of an overall blossoming romantic relationship; do not always need external "props" to become aroused or perform sexually

• have one or more personal friendships that they have sustained for at least several years

• show an interest in you and your feelings and activities as well as in their own

• have a lifestyle which is conducive and allows for the addition of an intimate relationship; are able to balance work and personal life and create enough time for both

• have a positive, optimistic outlook on life

• have a good sense of humor

• take responsibility for their life, their feelings and the consequences of their decisions without blaming others

• take care of self physically and emotionally; dresses in a clean, attractive manner and eats right and exercises regularly

• are able to receive constructive feedback from others without getting defensive

• if they use computers, they use a computer as a tool, not as a constant companion

• have more friends and acquaintances in their real life than in cyberspace

• know how to resolve conflict in a constructive manner, or is willing to learn how to do so

• allow themselves to feel their anger and resentment and expresses anger in an appropriate manner

Remember, this list is only a guide. If you are dating someone you really like and find they don't have all of these qualities, don't be overly concerned. In that case this list may be a guide for how to improve your relationship even more. On the other hand, if you find that your current dating partner has less than half of the qualities on this list, you may want to re-evaluate whether or not the relationship is truly healthy for you.

Article courtesy of : Relationship Institute

Married At Last

I'm always happy when a fellow sista who wants to be married makes it down the aisle. However, I have *issues* with this particular story. Let me know if you see why I might have a bit of a hard time with this one.

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Sheila Frazier and John Atchison

Vagina Power Ladies

Attention : NOT SAFE FOR WORK / ADULT THEMES

With all the discussions of weight and what is ideal vs. where you are now...my response is love what you have now until you can get to where you want to be.

Self love comes before any change.