Is a Match Maker Right For You ? Rabbi Shumley Offers Some Advice

I'm posting this article from Rabbi Shumley because it really speaks to me as a single woman who really doesn't like internet dating and is rather shy.

Should I Call in a Pro?
Five reasons professional matchmakers can take the
awkwardness out of dating and put you on the fast track to your soul mate.





Dear Rabbi Shmuley,
I'm 32 years old, and I'm really
ready to have a serious relationship and move forward in my life. I'm doing
online dating, but I'm also considering trying a professional matchmaker. I know
that there are Jewish matchmakers, and secular ones like I see on TV, but I'm
Catholic--do you think this is a viable option for someone like me? Is it worth
the time and money, or should I just be pumping up my social life on my own?
--Make Me a Match

Dear Make Me,
A matchmaker is a great idea,
and not just for religious people. If you're Catholic, yes, you might want to go
to a Catholic matchmaker, especially since I believe strongly that being on the
same page religiously and value-wise is critical to the success of a long-term
union. But first you have to overcome your reluctance to go to a matchmaker,
which most people see as being for those who are desperate. That's simply not
true.

I often encourage men and women to use their contacts to alleviate
the loneliness of single life and, ultimately, get hitched. A matchmaker is a
great idea for the following reasons:

1. Because modern life is so
competitive, and human worth today is largely dictated by what we do rather than
what we are, people are shyer and more insecure than ever. The endless models of
perfection that enter our homes through television have undermined the
self-confidence of most women. Hence, without matchmakers, only people with
overt virtues, like beauty, wealth, or charisma, get noticed. A skilled
matchmaker restores a sense of balance to the dating scene by allowing people
with more subtle virtues to be noticed as well.

2. Matchmaking lessens
the pain of rejection. When a guy and a girl go out after having met at
Starbucks, it can be very awkward if either doesn't want to continue on to a
second date. It can break a guy or girl's heart to hear that the person in whom
they are interested does not reciprocate their affections. A good matchmaker
uses his or her kindness and tact to soften the blow when a match isn't magic.

3. A matchmaker does your advertising for you. So often on a date, a man
and a woman feel awkward. They want to convey how special they are but without
sounding arrogant or full of themselves. Because a matchmaker gets all that
"advertising" out of the way beforehand, you have the freedom to just be
yourself on the date.

4. A matchmaker is out looking on your behalf when
you don't have all the time in the world to do so, and they're also looking in
the right places rather than at some stupid bar or nightclub.

5. A
matchmaker remains an objective adviser throughout the courting and dating
process. So often these days we just don't have a wise person to help us
navigate the vicissitudes of relationships, especially as we become more
emotionally entangled and our judgment becomes more subjective. A wise and
insightful matchmaker – as opposed to those who are just out to make a buck –
does just that.

At the very least, if a professional matchmaker isn't
for you, go and tell all of your friends that you want a relationship, and ask
them if there is anyone to whom they can introduce you. We're all a bit shy. But
while we don't have to have the kind of confidence that allows us to go up to
any man or woman on the street and introduce ourselves, we do have to have at
least enough confidence to tell our friends that we are looking. Don't be afraid
to lean on friends. Don’t even be too shy to tell your parents that you want to
get married. They can be of great assistance. And yes, I know you think I'm
crazy, but I did say your parents.

Seriously, I can understand your
reluctance to turn to a matchmaker. But do not let your shyness keep you from
dating. It doesn't need to. Your friends recognize the special and wonderful
characteristics in you. Trust that they will know other people who will
recognize this as well, and trust enough to then risk vulnerability with them.
After all, that is the only way to open your heart–through trust.

G-d
bless you.
Shmuley

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