Holy Crap, It's Mardi Gras!

*Warning - this blog post may be offensive if you're religious and you can't take a joke. I don't actually believe that Jesus hungered for brains. So don't whine about it!*

I knew it was Mardi Gras, but I totally forgot to post anything until just now. There was an astounding lack of anything Mardi Gras related on Facebook, so I posted this gem:

It's Mardi Gras... Show me your boobies!

And people did.

Mardi is French for Tuesday. Gras is French for fat. Put them together and you get Mardi Gras - Fat Tuesday. It precedes Ash Wednesday (I don't know what that is in French), which is the first day of Lent. Lent is the 40 days that fall before Easter. Easter (AKA Zombie Jesus Day) is the day that Jesus rose from the dead and was all, "Psych! Not really dead! You should see your faces right now."

Lent is an homage to the temptation that Jesus endured for 40 days (hence why Lent lasts for 40 days) while he was bumming around in the wilderness before becoming a rabbi. Satan showed up and was like, "Hey want some bacon?" And Jesus was like, "Dude, I'm Jewish, I can't eat bacon." And Satan was like, "Fine, your loss. It's so yummy." But Jesus resisted the salty deliciousness of bacon and was rewarded with... uh... crucifixion. And also eternal life and a totally bitchin' hat.

See the hat? Totally bitchin'.

In America, many Christians observe Lent by resisting temptations of their own, like alcohol or chocolate. Giving up something you love for the 40 days of Lent is supposed to help you understand the many sacrifices of Jesus. In many denominations, they'll give up all animal products for the entire length of Lent. Also, no sex!

The point of Mardi Gras, then, becomes to jam yourself so full of what you're giving up that you won't even miss it during Lent. If you cram so much bacon in your mouth on Tuesday that the thought of bacon on Wednesday makes you want to hurl, you have fulfilled the true purpose of Mardi Gras.

Another purpose of Mardi Gras is to collect colorful strings of beads by flashing your tits at strangers.

If you've given up tits for Lent, you're going to have a sad and lonely Mardi Gras.