For the last few months I have been contemplating cutting my very long locs. I thought my decision was made until....the visit from the distant relatives from "up north." Actually, I consider everyone a "distant relative" on my Dad's side of the family. You see, growing up I was the "little chubby one" with the "kinky hair" and my cousin from "up north" was the beautiful, smart and destined for success one because, you know, she was skinny and had long, "good" hair. Ugh. Somehow, I upset the "destined" applecart and became the "who would have ever thought it..one." Yes, my distant relatives DO say that quite often about me...."Who would have ever thought...."
I'm a grown woman now, but some things you never forget or get over. Anyhoo...back to the hair thing. When the "distant relatives" came in for my Dad's funeral, the first thing they do upon seeing me is start pawing at my hair. They MUST check it out to confirm that it's all mine and "real." The next order of business is to judge my weight...apparently, the verdict was that I had lost a ton of it. Uhmm...whatever. To these people appearance trumps everything, except perhaps money.
I have always prided myself on NOT being attached to my hair as a validation of my worth or femininity, but the events of the last month have left me a lot vulnerable and not my usual "Pro Black Girl" self. Leave it to my "relatives" to devour their own at their weakest. Intellectually I know I'm not my hair, but as a woman (*cough*Black Woman*cough*) on the dating "scene," it somehow does seem to matter. At any rate, I'll have to work through this "un-me" phase and get on with the business of living my life and stop re-living my past as the ugly duckling.
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